Wednesday, March 25, 2009

waiting for the bus

i had a crazy experience this evening while trying to get home from school. i was walking on vermont ave, heading to santa monica blvd for the 4 bus. while i walking to this stop, i heard a guy moaning and faintly sobbing for about 5 seconds. i didn't think too much of this until i got to the bus stop.

i saw an I.G (intoxicated guy, possibly high too, but I.G is short and to the point) harassing a man and his friend. I.G was right up in this man's face and was yelling at the top of his lungs. the two men were completely ignoring him, which made I.G more frustrated. this lead to I.G spilling his steel reserve on the bus bench, while waving his fist in the air, near the men he was harassing. it wasn't until I.G intentionally took his belt off, let his pants fall down and started to run toward the men that I started to sort of panic. as much as I.G was harassing these guys, they weren't moving or doing anything to stop I.G from getting in their personal space. but in retrospect, I.G was being fucked up and those guys were caught up in his craziness.

my gut was telling me that perhaps the LAPD should be here right now, even though i despise the LAPD. i also felt like this wasn't a 911 situation, but it could of been if I.G started acting violent. feeling skeptical and overwhelmed, i called m.v.f and left a message asking if he can look up the closest LAPD station and text me the info. i know that was stupid, because he lives 60 miles east of LA, but i was scarred and felt weird calling up a random friend in the neighborhood. i knew m.v.f. was home and i went into auto pilot.

right when i hung up, I.G started coming toward me. i didn't want to be too aggressive because this guy was twice my size, but i was going to defend myself if I.G got out of hand. he started mumbling and i couldn't understand him. he was also up in my face, in a way that i was uncomfortable with. slowly i moved away from him, while telling him to please leave me alone. he started yelling and got aggressive with me. i looked him in the eye, kept my distance, and calmly asked if he can leave me alone now. he got the message and he backed off. when I.G backed off, the 4 bus came and tried to get on as fast as i could. I.G kept blocking me and another woman from getting on. the other woman kept looking at me, as if i should do something. awkwardly i yelped "Bus!?!" to I.G and pointed at the bus entrance he was originally blocking. i think he understood, because he backed off and let us on. he tried to get on the bus again, but the bus driver wouldn't allow it.

i got off the bus and i wanted to get a drink to calm my nerves. since i didn't want to go to a bar alone, i went to the neighborhood liquor store and bought a 6 pack of fat tire. i called m.v.f. to let him know i was o.k. he left me 2 voice messages and a text asking me if i was ok. But my phone was on silent and I didn't feel the vibration because it was during my bus interaction with I.G.
i've haven't experience this type of craziness in a long time. fortunately i started to save $$$ and i would like to buy a car by the end of summer. i am aware that owning a car will not protect me from guys like I.G or any crazy mofo that decides to harass me. but at least i'll have something to get into, rather than walking to and fro at a bus stop.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

i'll never do that again

i've never met anyone new on facebook. i've met all of my facebook friends at least once, with the exceptions of comedians or actors. i've met a few high school folks from my past, some i don't approve and some i do. i only approve high school folks i was in debate with and the tiny few that use to hang out with me. i was pretty depressed in high school and i am always shocked when someone recognizes me. i think 5 of my facebook friends are from high school.

last summer, i received a friend request from connie k. it included a message asking if i remember her from high school. once i put it altogether, the good memories of connie k flooded back into my mind. the memories of geeking out about x-files, homicide: life on the streets and newsradio were good times. she was one year younger than me and i always appreciated her for being cool. we weren't close, but she was always sweet.

i approved her and i caught her a few times on AIM. both of us would suggest to go out drinking, but we never did it. i started to bug her about it and she ignored all of my responses. because of this, i assumed she didn't want to meet up. why would folks suggest to meet up if they don't mean it? since connie k gave no response to my drinking invitation, i stopped asking. i wouldn't be wasting my time writing about this until last Thursday night.

two weeks ago, one of connie k's status asked me when we were finally going to go out for margaritas. she even went the route of putting ?!?!!? at the end of her status. blug. i thought since she blasted me to her 30 friends on facebook, that i should finally go for margaritas with her. since she was asking me to get some drinks, i figured why not? even though its been over 11 yrs since we've seen each other, i thought this would be fun. i will never make that mistake again. the night before we met up, she messaged me saying that her boyfriend was going to be there too and that i should bring my boy as well. here's what i thought of when i read that...

1. wtf?
2. i don't want to use my "boy" as a human shield
3. maybe i shouldn't do thins after all?

i almost canceled the whole deal after i read that message because i thought it was weird. why are you going to drag your fucking sweetie to this this? i love m.v.f. enough to know that i don't expect him to drive to LA for this bullshit?!? i want to have a drink with connie k and not her boyfriend...especially when you haven't seen them since 1998?!?i should have listened to my gut. instead, i bit the bullet and told her that my "boy" doesn't live in LA and that i'll still be there. this lead to the most awkward dinner i've ever had in my life.

i don't want to go through all of the details, because it's not even worth it. but i will say that she and her boyfriend have no social skills. i felt like i was talking too much, only because they both were giving me "deer caught in the headlights" looks throughout dinner. yes, i know it's been 11 years since we've seen each other. but it was HER idea for this whole thing, so i would think she would of made some kind of effort to talk to me. look at my fucking profile at least?!? i am over people who can't carry a fucking conversation. i wasted a night i could of done homework or met with a friend who i haven't seen in a while. geesh.

most of the conversation we had was about high school anyway. she was shocked that i didn't go to my 10 year reunion. i wasn't shocked in the slightest because i haven't thought about high school since i fucking graduated and MOVED ON from that hell hole. the only thing i got from the whole thing was how much i have grown up and moved on from the awkward, shy and anti social grrl i use to be. unfortunately not everyone moves on and folks from high school remain bitter, awkward and still live in the same city, without thinking of anything else but themselves.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

English 103

i am taking english 103 this semester at LACC. it's the final english class i have to take for my general education credits. recently i turned in my first essay of the semester. i knew it wasn't my best work. i was rushed and i didn't give it enough time or energy. i knew i wasn't going to get a high grade. fortunately i got it back on sunday evening and it had a B+ in the email. i opened his attachment and i saw numerous footnotes on it. i made many grammar errors on this essay. i was shocked that i got a B+, but i'll take it. :)

i went into class last night and my instructor started to pass out two example essays that he wanted to go over. when i saw the hand out, i realized he used my essay (w/o my name on it) to completely tear apart. i felt completely humiliated. yes, my name wasn't on the essay. unfortunately i did mention a few personal remarks that uncovered my queer girl roots and that made me feel singled out since i am the only queer girl in my class. i was crying at my desk because i was embarrassed with my bad grammar. it ruined my evening and i cried all the way home. i was crying when i got off the bus and i cried more when i got home.

i know my teacher wasn't trying to be malicious or hurtful. he's only doing his job and i respect that. i wasn't even crying or upset about the errors. just the process was completely demeaning and i would love it if he never does that to me or anyone in that class. my essay and the other better one both got B+ grades. This stupid bitch made a comment about how can my essay get a B+ with all the mistakes on it. (obviously she didn't know it was mine, but still...very annoying) he explained that even though the first essay had errors on it, that it was still exceptional because of the character of it. all of my points were strong, only my grammar and sentencing structure needs work.

i did email him last night about the whole experience. i also wanted to be clear that i wasn't upset about the grammar errors or the structure. i appreciate all of his corrections and feedback, but feeling singled out wasn't fun. :( his response was an apology and he didn't realize that i would respond that way. he promised he would give me a heads up if he ever used my paper as an example for future classes. he also stated that even with my errors, my paper was exception for english 103.