ramblings of r.r.r.

reflecting

2010-10-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

r.r.r.

living for me

2010-09-19T22:51:00.001-07:00

yo, yo, yo!! i'm still trying to write more, but i keep getting stuck. trying not to beat myself up about it tho, and letting it all come back naturally.

2010 has been an emotional roller coaster. it's been rough, going through the ups and downs. feeling isolated, not feeling like myself. being negative about it ALL, when there wasn't a reason to be. i got caught up within my own sadness, and started to feel like my soul was disintegrating.

i was fighting with my boo a lot, about stupid, STUPID, things. i stopped answering the phone when my friends called. i stopped being online when i was home. i started to feel lonely, and became clingy to everyone who was still around. my friends would invite me out, and i would be very quiet, still, and not engage in conversation. i became silent, in a way i haven't felt in a LOOOOOONG time. i started saying sorry to EVERYONE, even though there wasn't a reason to be. i was going to certain shows, events, because i thought that's what i should be doing. instead, it only made me more miserable. BUT, i do know why i've been feeling this way. i've been focusing on the negativity, and i haven't been seeing the GOOD in full circle. the cycle of depression stops with me!

i'm not the same person i was when i moved back to los angeles in august 2005. i've changed, and i keep getting hung up on my past. i gotta start living for me, and no one else. i keep getting caught up with my future plans, that i haven't been present. i know who i am, and i know what i want in my life. i keep getting distracted with bullshit. real sofa king annoying bull shit.fuck the haters!!! seriously! can't get caught up with others projections. i know who I AM, and i know i'll get a car/live w/my boo/or accomplish other goals when I am ready to do so.

i need to start living life for me, and no one else. i need to stop being negative, FUCK DEPRESSION. going to see MEN on friday night was a great reminder. i need to start speaking up for myself again. i need to start listening to folks! i got to stop making assumptions. it really begins NOW! :)

r.r.r.

I'm still here...

2010-09-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all. It's been 3 months since I've written anything on here. But I think Joaquin says it best...

I'll be writing more shortly. Be prepare for rants on Runway, pop culture, music, news, lgbtiq issues, race, class and politics. Get ready. Woo hoo.

this is only a test

2010-06-07T22:29:00.000-07:00

Hi there,

I haven't written a post on here since March 2010. Things have been hard. I think it might be the whole "I'm turning 30 and I don't know WTF is going on" deal. But I feel like now it's getting better. So on that note....

Why is this shocking? WTF MTV? It's not 2003, and it's not Britney and Madonna. But why does MTV think setting up girl-on-girl action is SOOOOOOOOOOO risque? The kiss itself seems awkward. But..if either of those ladies wanted to kiss me, I would let them. Sandra Bullock and Scarlet Johansson are fiiiiiiiine.

Is it just me, or are straight actors making out in public, becoming the new black?

it's been a loooong time...

2010-03-08T22:43:00.000-08:00

since I've posted on here. A few highlights...

1. I passed English 103 last Fall semester with a B!! Ms. Matthews passed me with a B!! I busted my ass last semester and I had a quality teacher. I wrote my final research paper on the global perspective of same sex marriage. I knocked out the F from Spring 2009, and replaced it with a better grade.

2. I celebrated my 4 year dating anniversary with m.v.f in January! We didn't go out of town, or do anything crazy extravagant. We both received an amazing couple's massage in Silver Lake, and ate a delicious meal at Engine Co 28 restaurant in Downtown LA. I love my boyfriend so damn much!! Blackxian love in the house!!

3. I attended two AMAZING shows last month. I saw St. Vincent at the El Rey, and I saw Mariah Carey at the Gibson Amphitheater. I cried at both shows, especially when St Vincent decided to cover "These Days" by Nico. *tear* St. Vincent was fierce on stage, holding onto her guitar, and singing lovely. She sang most of Actor, and a few covers, and songs from her first album. Mariah was FABULOUS!!! She was everything I thought she would be. She's looks great, and her voice was on it! I bought an Mariah key chain...because I had to. Seriously. ;-)

4. I quit my Intermediate Algebra class for LACC Spring semester. I was in this class for almost one month, and I started feeling horribly overwhelmed. My work gets hectic this time of year, and I didn't want to fail another class because of it. I loved my teacher too, and discussed with him why I was quitting. He understood. He wished me luck in life, and he hopes to see me again another time.

I think having spring off is going to help me out immensely. I realized last month that I wasn't happy. I was in school, but I was getting stress headaches because of it. Honestly I've been depressed since November 2009. I haven't felt like myself, and I want to start focusing on me again. I want to go back to the gym, I want to start writing again. I want to call my friends, and have the time to call/see them. I want to socialize, and attend different events in my neighborhood. I want to stop being an asshole to my boyfriend. Seriously....I've been in a funk.

But, I will be posting more topical entries shortly. Such as my Alice In Wonderland review. Oh who am I kidding, it was aiiiight. It had amazing visual effects, but the storyline sucked ass. Is it wrong to be crushed out on Alice?

Ok....more later. :-)

r.r.r.

My notes from 826 LA writing workshop

2010-02-04T22:14:00.000-08:00

I went to an awesome freelance writing workshop tonight at 826LA. Four writers came in, and offered advice to a crowd of 50 folks.

I was the ONLY Mexican woman in the crowd. Unfortunately, there weren't a lot of POC period. Which I find hysterical because 826 LA is located in Echo Park. Unfortunately, Echo Park is a gentrified neighborhood. As much as it's was frustrating to be the only Mexican there, I was ecstatic to hear what each writer had to say. Especially Joshuah Bearman. He writes for The American Prospect, and various "liberal" magazines that recognize class and race. He was dope.

All four writers have different experiences with freelance writing, and each explain their own process. I wrote about 4 pages of notes. Here's a few things that are still lingering in my subconscious....

"There's no other profession where you can stay home all day in your boxers shorts. I rely on humorous observation..." - Neil Pollack

"(generally) pitching your writing is frustrating" - Joel Stein

"Social media (Twitter, FB, ETC) validates your writing, you start creating your own community" - Neil Pollack

"I like to write, but I hate Twitter" - Claire Hoffman

"I read weekly's from other cities" - Clarie Hoffman

"I use to read a lot, but then I moved to LA and now reading makes me feel stupid" - Neil Pollack

"Every job I've had, came through a personal relationship" - Joel Stein and Joshua Bearman

"I use to be careful, but then I stopped" - Joel Stein

"I don't think you have to know everybody." Claire Hoffman and Joshua Bearman

"Finding your community on the internet is HARD" - Joshua Bearman

"Be aggressive, but don't lose your mind over it" - All four writers

r.r.r.

i HEART zach galifianakis

2010-02-02T22:02:00.000-08:00

Zach Galifianakis is going to be HOSTING SNL on March 6th!!! This fact totally made my morning!!! He's hysterical!! These clips are a few of my favs. Enjoy!!

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

i heart rob brenzey again...

2010-01-26T14:07:00.000-08:00

you did it again mr. brenzey. great job!!

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Usually I overflow with advice about how to
access your soul's code. I love to help you express the unique blueprint
that sets you apart from everyone else. Every now and then, though, it's
a healing balm to take a sabbatical from exploring the intricacies of your
core truths. This is one of those times. For the next ten days, I invite you
to enjoy the privilege of being absolutely nobody. Revel in the pure
emptiness of having no clue about your deep identity. If anyone asks you,
"Who are you?", relish the bubbly freedom that comes from cheerfully
saying, "I have no freaking idea!"

r.r.r.

Enjoying winter break...

2010-01-23T14:32:00.000-08:00

Hey there,

I know it's been a minute since I've consistently posted on here. I've been enjoying my winter break and doing a whole lot of nothing. It's been swell. But, I will start posting more rambles starting next week. In the meantime, check out these links below....

How you can help Haiti

WTF White People?!?

It's NBC loss...

January 19, 2010: The First 364 Days 23 Hours

LGB.....and sometimes T

r.r.r.

hell no conan won't go...

2010-01-12T22:11:00.000-08:00

WTF NBC!?! You decide to cancel Leno's 10 pm show, put him back to 11:35 pm for ONLY a half hour, put Conan and Fallon behind him, and ask Conan to think it over?!? Are you fucking kidding me?! You're asking Conan and the "tonight show" franchise to start at 12:05 am, because YOU made a HUGE mistake. You rather care about ratings, money and politics. UGH.

You have two options NBC. You either pay Leno or Conan out of their contracts. If you were smart, you would choose to pay out Leno out. Leno is done. He has lost his funny mojo, for real. There's no way any comedian will look at Leno the same way again after this. Oh wait. Jerry Seinfeld will stand by his side. Blug. Perhaps Leno will get a Doritos contract FTW?

David Letterman chimes in with his opinion of it all.

I am glad Conan told NBC he's not moving. Good for him. If NBC wants him out, they're gonna have to PAY him out. If they go there, I will boycott NBC. I only watch NBC for Conan and Thursday night comedies. Sorry 30 Rock, The Office, Community, and Parks and Recreation. This is some fucked up bullshit NBC.

Currently, I'm reading Black Is The New White by Paul Mooney. Mooney breaks down how fucked up NBC truly is, along with all the racism he put up with in Hollywood and Los Angeles. Unfortunately things seem like they've never change in Hollyweird. It's all about money, not about quality. Suits will never make the right decisions. It's refreshing to see Conan do this. Telling a major network that he's not backing down...

GO CONAN GO!

My top 10 TV shows of the decade

2009-12-31T14:27:00.000-08:00

TV will never be the same again after this decade. These 10 shows had a major impact on television, raising the bar HIGH for dramas and comedies. New shows will try to duplicate these below, but nothing will compare. These are my picks. Enjoy.

My top albums of 2009 - part 3

2009-12-31T13:15:00.000-08:00

Moby really won me over with Wait For Me. I am not that much into ambient music, that's more of my boo's cup of tea. But I was surprised how much I enjoyed this. This got me through many nights, riding the bus home from LACC, metrolink, etc. Mistake, Division, and Walk With Me are a few of my favs.

I have no idea why various magazines gave this album a mediocre review. I fell for Hazards Of Love like the hipster I am. I also saw them live for this tour, and perhaps my opinion is bias. They performed the WHOLE album!! Immediately I fell for their single, The Rake's Wife. "Until her womb start spilling out babies. Only then did I reckon my curse.." Yes! The Wanting Comes In Waves is also the jam! I LOVE the way this group harmonizes together.

2009 is the year I realized The Flaming Lips are one of my favorite bands of all time. Embryonic is their twelfth album, and I dig it the most. I felt like they went back to their roots of experimenting with sounds, like their earlier albums. Convinced Of The Hex and Evil are a few of my favs. Eat a pot cookie, get wasted, (insert own vice here) and listen to this album. But I also would recommended it for sober folks as well. :)

"The album is named 'Know Better Learn Faster' because you can't," explains Thao. "By the time you realize you should, it's too late. And I enjoy the predicament and the totally devastating, unfunny humor of that." (buyolmpyia.com)

This album is my (wait for it) FAVORITE ALBUM OF 2009!!! This is the second album for Thao And The Get Down Stay Down. She wrote this when she was breaking up with her ex-boyfriend. The first track, The Clap, states it best."If this is how you want it, ok, OK" They stay true to their style, but they also try out different sounds and it works to their benefit. I fucking LOVE Thao Ngygen!!! I heart Thao And The Get Down Stay Down. The end.

That's it 2009. I can't write anymore. But I have listed below other 2009 albums that I had to mention. I chose not to write about because EVERYONE in the music blog scene already did. I only wanted to write about what I liked and not what Rolling Stone loved.

veckatimest - grizzly bear
merriweather post pavilion - animal collective
it's blitz - the yeah yeah yeah's
dark was the night

r.r.r.

My top albums for 2009 - part 2

2009-12-31T12:31:00.000-08:00

Alicia Keys has blown me away with her new album. The Element Of Freedom is DOPE. She's singing her truth in this! She's hot, her voice is amazing. I got this about two week ago, and I can't stop listening to it. "All at once, I had it all, but it doesn't mean anything, now that you're gone" OMG....she's the best! Get this album already!

I knew of Neko Case, but I never owned any of her albums. Fortunately, Middle Cyclone stole my heart. This was one album I played non stop throughout the summer. The intro of This Tornado Loves You is astounding. Her voice is strong and soothing. Just look at her album cover! Neko is ready to fuck shit up! ;)

Mos Def is back y'all!! The Ecstatic is off the chain! I feel like he went back to his OG beat and rhythm. I wasn't a big fan of The New Danger (2004) and True Magic (2006). Perhaps he had to make those tho, to produce the greatness of this one! Boogie man is back in full effect!! Holler.

Monsters Of Folk is a super group including Bright Eyes, M. Ward, Jim James from My Morning Jacket. I fucking LOVE this album and secretly want to have sex with all of them. Listening to Dear God (sincerely M.O.F) for the first time brought tears to my eyes. All musicians collaborate well together. I love this band!

Side Note: While looking for the image of this album, I read the Wikipedia description. USA Today called the album a "harmonious and occasionally electrified blend of folk-rock, country and white soul" White soul?!? really? But, then again, USA Today is stupid anyway. But still...WTF?

One more post to go....woot woot.

r.r.r.

My top albums of 2009 - part 1

2009-12-23T10:43:00.000-08:00

2009 was the year for music. Some of my favorite bands blew me away, along with discovering albums I never thought I would like. I can't put these albums in any order, because I appreciate all of them!! So, my next two or three entries will be about albums I LOVED in 09. Let's begin....

How can I NOT mention Memoirs of An Imperfect Angel by Mariah Carey?!? This album takes you on a journey!!! How can you forget such lyrics as "He's all up in my George Foreman", and "No one can deny it, we were flying like United". She's talking about TRUTH in this album! Reflecting on past relationships, appreciating the new love in her life, along with missing past lovers. But it's not just this tho....the beats are also SICK!! This album is great in the car, club or at a party. I've always liked Mariah Carey, but I was surprised how much i L-O-V-E-D this album.

I downloaded Actor by St. Vincent earlier this year, and I didn't listen to it right away. I did this because all the indie blogs were talking about her so fucking much. I was turned off by the hype. But I got over my hang up, and finally gave St. Vincent a chance. Her voice is beautiful, haunting and graceful...even though she's telling you her life is fucked up. Save Me From What I Want and The Party are my two favorite tracks. I think this is her first official album, and I am looking forward to her second. I also can't WAIT to see her at the El Rey in Feb 2010. :)

WTF Sunset Rubdown?!? You fucking blew away 2009 with Dragonslayer!! Honestly, I didn't think I would like this one. Their first album had a few tracks I liked. But it didn't impress me as much as Dragonslayer did! They are rocking OUT on this one for real!! The guitar and their harmonies are in FULL effect! Each track has its own unique sound. The lyrics are also awesome as well. For example, take Black Swan...

there was a rumor of a ghost in the bedroom,
hanging in and around the bed
but by the time the moon rose, you had taken off your clothes
and had the pillow under your head

These lyrics might sound crazy reading, but the song itself is AMAZING! I can't recommend this album enough.

See Mystery Light by YACHT is a GREAT album. The first track, Ring The Bell is fucking sick! "Will we go to heaven, or will we go to hell, it's my understanding that neither are real" That lyric alone made my heart jump for joy! Another new edition to YACHT is Claire Evans! She's awesome in this album!! Both are YACHT! There isn't a singer or a main star, both collaborate and compliment each other! Psychic City, I'm In Love With The Ripper, and Don't Fight the Darkness are a few of my favorite tracks.

More to come y'all. Stay tuned.

RIP Brittany Murphy

2009-12-21T20:48:00.000-08:00

WTF?!? Brittany Murphy went into cardiac arrest and DIED last Sunday morning?!? Why 2009 why?!?!

Some might think I am overreacting. "She's only a movie star, genocide is happening throughout the world, and all you care about is Brittany Murphy dying?!?" Blah, blah, blah. Hold the phone. I care about genocide too foo....but I also got to give a moment to talk about an actor that impacted my life. You may think I'm being dramatic, and you're entitled to your own opinion. Honestly....Britney Murphy is DEAD people!!

I remember when I first saw her in Clueless. I fell in love with her awkward style, and how she was a complete spaz throughout the film. She was hysterical as Ty!! I wanted to be like her, and find my gnarly white skater guy. She MADE Clueless, ok!! Let's be real. Alicia was GREAT, but you can't deny the fact, you were singing "rolling with the homies" when you left the theater. I rest my case....

After I saw Clueless, I wanted to see more Brittany Murphy. Years pass, and a friend recommended Freeway. Her tiny role as the crazy girl in prison was great. She also stole my heart in Girl Interrupted, King Of The Hill, and Sin City. I know she was in 8 Mile, but I didn't see that because I hate Eminem. But, I will give it another chance. She was in Spun, Just Married, Uptown Girls, etc. Her bio is here. She also did a bunch of cool late 90's/early 00's gay flicks too!

Now everyone is up in her business. Paparazzi talking about her weight issues throughout her career, her past with drugs, etc. I'm not denying any of these things...it's odd to hear about a 32 year old dying from cardiac arrest. 32, really? But, let's take a moment folks...

We lost an awesome actor yesterday morning. We lost Ty. We're still rollin' with ya Ms. Brittany Murphy. You will be missed. :*(

Michael Jackson - This Is It - Directed by Spike Lee

2009-12-17T20:38:00.000-08:00

i saw this the other day, and it made me weepy at my desk. amazing tribute

Michael Jackson - This Is It - Directed by Spike Lee from 40 Acres and a Mule Filmworks on Vimeo.

yay rob brezsny

2009-12-08T14:08:00.000-08:00

I've been getting his horoscopes for years. But, this one is right on the money for me.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I bet your relationship life will be a source of
revolutionary teachings in 2010. Adventures in intimacy and partnership
will draw you into some highly educational fun and games. You will be
invited to dramatically expand your understanding of the nature of
commitment. You will also be asked to dig deeper to discover your real
desires, which up until now have been partially camouflaged by more
superficial longings that were grafted onto you during the darker days of
adolescence. How should you prepare for the interesting tests of the next
12 months? How can you get yourself in shape to earn the demanding
gifts that will be within reach? Now is an excellent time to start thinking
about those questions.

AAAHHH! I feel like I've been thinking about these questions since I got with Matt. Every now and then, my horoscope matches with what I am really thinking about. Crazy shit.

I love you Mr. Brezsny. XOXOX

http://www.freewillastrology.com/

GLEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-05T14:39:00.000-08:00

Ok.....how much did GLEE totally kick ass this week?!? GREATEST. SHOW. ON. WEDNESDAY. NIGHT. If you're not watching Glee, then you are missing out on some GOOD TV. This show gets better, and better every episode. Here are a few highlights from this week's episode that i LOVED...

1. We saw Mr. Shue's bad side!!! Did you see how pissed off her got at his wife?!?! I thought he was going to slap her, I'm not gonna lie. But, obviously that would have been fucked up. But, I am GLAD the cat is out of the bag and he "hopefully" will leave his wife. How can you trust anyone after the shit she pulled?!? I also didn't like that part of the whole storyline....that scene was INTENSE!! Well....at least it felt like that....i was also on brownie...so, I wanted to cry when I was watching it. CRAZY!

2. Quinn's evil side returned!! I know she's knocked up, and the show has focused on that more. But, she's also a total bitch before she got preggers. All the shit she pulled on Sue this week was AMAZING!!! She played her like an ol' school NES game. Quinn use to be Sue's favorite, and I LOVED how Quinn came back swinging. I also fucking LOVE Sue. She's heartless in Glee and I HOPE she gets nominated for an Emmy next year. "I can't have a girl that's preggers on my squad. You're a disgrace" - Sue

3. How fucking AWESOME and GAY was that remake of Jump by Van Halen!? (I also don't mean "gay" as a bad thing, I mean it in a AWESOME way. ) Those huge mattresses, the song itself?!? It was a great collaboration, with most of the Glee kids singing and dancing. I wanted to jump into my TV and jump along with them. Perhaps that feeling was because I was on brownie? D'oh. ;-) I also dug the remake of smile by lily allen. That scene alone was pretty hot. I think I am crushed out on Rachel now. D'oh. This episode had GREAT songs!!! YAY!!!

Those are only 3 small moments that I struck out to me. Everyone should be watching Glee. Get on hulu.com and catch on up! The last episode is this coming Wednesday, then it won't be back until fucking April 2010. :*( This makes me really sad. I hope they rerun it like no other on Fox. People need to watch Glee for real. Straight, gay, black, white, and ALL!!! Some peg this to be a "high school musical" type show for adults. But, people that say that are fucking stupid. I HATE high school musical, and generally most musicals. Stop hating on Glee people!! Watch one episode, and you will see. Glee is the JAM!!!

Obama

2009-12-05T13:46:00.000-08:00

This week, Obama made his Afghanistan speech. He said we're sending 30,000 troops, and they'll start to come back home in Jan 2011. You can read the full text here.

Being on Twitter, and reading some of the reactions from "progressives" doesn't surprise me at all. Because...this shit sucks. We already had a dumb ass president, already LIE to us about weapons of mass destruction, Iraq, and lead us in a FUCKED UP situation for 8 yrs. Basically, we grabbed Iraq and choked all the life out of it. But, I know Iraq was already in a messed up situation, BUT, the USA had a big part of it. End of story. So, I can see why a lot of people are pissed off at him. I'm not gonna lie...I still want to ask him "WTF!?!?"

But here's the thing. I feel like if there was ANY OTHER WAY out of this, Obama would have done it differently. I also don't think Obama is sleeping easy at night, because of this situation. Have you seen a photo of him lately?

I don't think this guy is happy at all, even underneath that cheesy smile. He knows this is fucked up. He's delivering a message that most of the population doesn't want to hear. He's the biggest debbie downer. There. I said it. But, Obama knows that people are going to criticize every single decision he makes. Perhaps I am being too optimistic? I LOVE criticizing Obama, but I also don't want to label him as being fucked up, until his term is half way done. This guy is taking on A LOT of shit when he came in office on Jan 2009. People were asking him about his plan, he made it known, and he wants to wrap this up quicker than you believe. why are people losing HOPE?!? they had it when he was running, why is the glass half empty now? Just breath y'all, we will get through this.....

calm before the storm

2009-11-30T21:01:00.000-08:00

i have about 17 days until my english 103 class is over. i got to write 1 more essay, and a research paper. i have caught up in all of my reading, and i know ms. matthews will throw down homework assignments tomorrow night. i did my laundry, made some yummy dinner, and i got a strawberry shortcake from cafe tropical waiting for me in my fridge. i will consume this once i finish this....

but, i know it's been a minute since i've written in this. i've been crazy busy busting through my 8 week course at LACC. my teacher seems to amaze me each and every time i see her. the crush is still on, big time. she's a total geek. she LOVES talking about twilight, wayne's world and harry potter. it's great to see her respond to people's ignorance and not let it eat her up inside. i will do my best to get a photo with her before the semester is out. perhaps she'll think that's weird, but i guess i'll figure it out when i get there....

another turkey day has passed. i went to the bay area on turkey day morn, and hung out with my siblings in San Leandro, CA. the night before, i went out drinking with my buddy at el conquisador. two margaritas and two modelo lights later, i was packing my shit and got about 4 and a half hours of sleep. did my best to not let that show to my siblings when i got there. being hung over ain't what it used to be. seriously. it was great to see my nephews and nieces, along with seeing my fam and their partners. watching the way my sister conducts every turkey day celebration, it makes me think of what my boo and i will have in the future. the more i go back to the bay area, the more i realize that i don't belong there anymore. i will always hold the bay dear to my heart, it's my second home. i spent most of my adolescents figuring out my identity in the castro, mission, bernal heights, hunter's point, and OAKLAND 510. i could have not found a better city or community to do all of this in. but, i go through SERIOUS deja vu when i am up there. i know it's not the same as it was from 2005, but i'm just not looking at it the way i use to. i'm growning apart from the bay area. i guess my LA roots show more since i live down here. but, i do appreciate my SF/Bay Area highlights.

unfortunately, i didn't have much time to see all of the friends i wanted to. along with one of my siblings expressing that i didn't hang out with her as much. but, i can only learn from my mistakes. i need to plan my time better, and make sure i spend time with my true familia....

my mind can't compute anything else right now. i am planing to write more pop culture, music stuff within december. enjoy the last day of november. :-)

r.r.r.

p.s. i went to spaceland LA last night for a comedy show. i HEART tim heidecker

Tim Heidecker Stand Up 9 from Tim Heidecker on Vimeo.

good times

2009-11-15T21:51:00.000-08:00

Happy 37th Birthday Rebecca!!! You're an amazing mother, great sister, and true friend. You rock!!! 2010 will be the year for ya!!

the harsest thing i ever had to write...

2009-11-14T14:05:00.000-08:00

Hey there,

Your last email left me speechless. I feel you're out of touch with yourself, and your own feelings. I take full accountability with my defensiveness via Twitter.. Our conversation went BEYOND Fergie's biphobia. Biphobia was my OG point, but I couldn't say that because I was too frustrated. Here are the 3 things that bothered me about your tweets/emails...

#1 - you made my OWN experience of coming out yours, only for YOUR benefit. I'm not shamed on how I came out. I think you do though, since I confided in YOU. Do you think your the ONLY person that knows about my queer/bi identity at that age? Don't flatter yourself. Coming out is ONE of the numerous layers of TBQLG community. My quality friends, and my boo know this. Unfortunately I thought you were quality, and learned the hard way, you're not. Your tweet is proof of that. I would NEVER use your personal drama, to prove that I am right.

#2 - I stooped to your immature level. I kept reacting, just like YOU. I made this realization when I woke up on Thursday morning....BUT....unfortunately, you insisted your point wasn't clear enough. Your EMAIL was filled with consistent attacks, couched with touchy-feely language. Your angry tone was particularly toxic, because it invalidates anyone else existence, but YOUR OWN. You didn't even give me a chance to apologize, you consistently repeated, and pushed your points onto me, without acknowledging your abusive tone. That's fucked up.

#3 - You have absolutely NO IDEA how to be an ally about a social cause that doesn't personally affect you. You make suggestions to me ALL OF THE TIME on where I can read about Burma. I listen and I obey, because that's what a true ally does for any social cause they can't relate to. Unfortunately, you can't do this. Remember: this started because YOU didn't like the invite of a FB group I joined. I'm not trying to minimizing your reasoning, but YOU didn't think that particular group chose the "right" words to get their msg across. Not cool. I would never have the balls to speak about how you should change the title of BGAN or any FB group you join, because I respect you. Unfortunately, you don't respect me at all. (strike #3)

We can't be friends until you figure out how to be accountable for your actions, and work on your baggage. I am also don't want to speak to either. You hurt me BAD dude. Because this all started with FB, Twitter, and email, I decided to reply. Take care.

Sincerely,

rachel r, rodriguez

p.s: You might this i am being dramatic, but usually people who are abusive, use that reason to justify their actions.

wow LACC

2009-10-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

i didn't think you were capable of hiring an awesome english 103 instructor. i thought i would never see a WOC in this position. i say this because i did my researcher before i registered for my class months ago. i read reviews on ratemyproessfor.com and i settled for Macek, only because he had the the highest score...3 out of 5 starts. basically LACC, all of your english 103 teachers suck....except for ms. monqiue matthews. :-D

my schedule said MACEK but ms. matthews walked into the class on tuesday evening. she took roll and gave us an essay question. she teaches mostly at Santa Moncia College on the west side of los angeles, perhaps i'll attend a class there once i get a car. because this lady completely kicks ASS!! she's calm and LISTENS to her students needs. she knows it's NOT ABOUT HER EGO! it's like the universe heard all of my frustration of last semester and it granted me with this awesome teacher. we're reading essays by PEOPLE OF COLOR!!! my semesters of reading faulkner and UK britian are OVER!!!! WOOT WOOT!!!

didn't my past english teachers at LACC considered the fact that most of their students are not white and don't want to read about dead white people? i read about white people throughout all of my time in high school, i would think college would be a bit more progressive in their reading material? especially in an english 103 critical thinking class? blug. but i'm fortunate to have ms. matthews as my instructor this semester. it's only an 8 wk course and her syllabus wasn't crazy complicated. we saw the documentary 42 UP on thursday and that's our next essay that's due in two weeks. that alone makes her WAAAAY better than corbett from last semester. i'm looking forward to improving my writing skills and take it to the next level. yay.

Top Chef

2009-10-31T12:11:00.000-07:00

i caught up on top chef last night. i am HAPPY that michael got voted the fuck OFF!! he was a total asshole throughout the whole season. he FAILED miserably with the vegetarian challenge. i loved how he had the nerve to take no accountability for his awful dish. his plate wasn't even a fucking dish, it was a mess. who in the HELL would think to have leeks as the main course?!? especially his leeks with no flavor and nasty looking. i even knew those leeks were bad and that's sad because i'm watching it on TV. michael was even talking shit about robin and jennifer while he was leaving. don't let the kitchen door hit ya on the way out micahel, you suck.

another person i PRAY to see fail on top chef is eli. this guy is even a BIGGER asshole than michael. when michael went to pack his knives, eli threw a wee tantrum in the waiting room. he slammed the shelf with his hands....GRRRRRR....WAH!!! whatever eli. you're only sad because now you don't have your asshole friend use to help you gang up on robin. he ALSO has been on TV before!! he's been one of the side chefs for one of the iron chefs on iron chef america. he's cocky and thinks he the SHIT. automatically i want the bastard to fail because of this.

both eli and micahel treated robin like shit throughout the season. i think it would be awesome if robin makes it. she's getting anxious and doubting herself constantly...most likely she will not. she's been on the bottom 3 a lot too...but i'm sad that there isn't a lot of women left. robin and jennifer are starting to lose their minds with the pressure... i hope they can bring it.

but i am cheering for kevin and bryan to make it to the top 3. both of these guys are AMAZING chefs and know what is up! i am also completely crushed out on bryan!! he's tall, serious and my heart goes pitter patter for him when he's on the screen...read more about him here if you like. he can cook for me anytime!! for real. ;-)

i've been diggin' this season and i really don't know why. perhaps it's the vegas factor that brings it out. but can they stop bringing back toby young to the judges table?!? this guy is so full of himself and fucked up. in episode 6 of this season, he corrected someone of SPANISH DECENT how to say paella. a WHITE BRITISH MAN correcting a SPANISH WOMAN who originally KNEW what dumbfuck toby was talking about. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! shut the hell up toby and get off the judges table for real. i saw a commercial for next week and toby is back and stupid as ever. BOOOOOOOOOO!

this is the first time i've watched top chef from the beginning, so i feel watching it until the end is the way to go. go kevin and bryan!!

it begins now...

2009-10-20T18:00:00.000-07:00

i am writing this while i wait for my english 103 class to start. i have about 50 minutes....so i'll do my best to rant about certain things....

1. taking english 103 again...

that's right. my asshole teacher from spring failed me and now i have take the course over. hopefully this time will be different and i won't lose my mind like last semester. i am ONLY taking this course, nothing else. i didn't want to overwhelm myself like i did before. i've never had to take a course again and i'm feeling a wee bit nervous about it. i know this will pass once i am in it. being on the LACC campus is sort of the same, but it seems more crowded than before. obviously with CA budget cuts, LACC has definitely seen better days. it's still "under construction" and it's as dusty as ever.

2. national equality march in DC

upper middle class gays and lesbians got together and marched for equal rights. they want obama to fix everything and don't give a FUCK. most of these folks woke up when prop 8 in CA didn't pass. which is very unfortunate within itself. :-( if i hear one more straight person say "why did prop 8 pass in los angeles county?" i am going to lose IT!!

same sex couples should have the same rights as hetero folks, that's a obvious given! but i think once same sex marriage happens in CA, most of the major LGBT organizations will stop fighting the good LGBT fight. that fight contains of health care, LGBT youth, racism, classism, etc. i think CA showed it's true ignorant colors when prop 8 passed. because that's when NUMEROUS gays/lesbians blamed black/latinos for it passing. living in so cal during this time was sort of nuts. i saw my own co workers blame obama for not doing anything more for prop 8, along with blaming black folks. UGH!!!!!! anyway...folks that went to NEM in DC felt togetherness and blamed obama for everything. it would have been nice if all those folks would have wrote to their CONGRESSPERSON about repealing DADT...but lady gaga was singing Imagine...so i guess not...

i'll rant more later tho. i gotta get something in my stomach before class. i hope books aren't crazy expensive. keep on fighting the good fight. ;-)

i still love letterman

2009-10-03T11:47:00.000-07:00

on monday night, david letterman came clean about his "cheating" affairs on his talk show. he only did this because he had to testify this week to a grad jury about the affairs and how a CBS employee tried to blackmail him for two million dollars. i've read different opinions of this online. honestly i can't believe many local news stations had letterman as their top story. I would have thought the following links below would have been first...but I guess that's only me...

Boo Burbank Police! FBI has got ya now...

American Apparel is passing out pink slips

Thousands missing after Indonesian earthquake

Tsunami hit Samoa :*(

but none of that news is worthy enough for the city of los angeles. even though so. cal has the BIGGEST population of samoans. anyhoo....back to letterman. i am writing about letterman right now is because i've read numerous negative blogs about how much they don't like letterman because of this ordeal. many have said that he used his show to manipulate his audience about his situation. i don't think this is true at all and folks need to take a chill pill. here's all we need to know folks....

1. letterman had an affair with a female staffer in 2004.

2. the affair ended in 2004.

3. the lady he had the affair with, ended up with the idiot who thought he can blackmail letterman for 2 million dollars.

4. this brings us to present day...the end.

what's unfortunate about this now is that everyone knows about this. his wife, family, the lady and staff have to go through it all over again. i'm sure this wasn't the first time letterman's wife heard about this, because this happened in 2004. i HOPE letterman told his wife the truth. i'm sure he did though? they were dating for over 23 years before she married him. this was probably one of the MANY reasons why she chose to "date" him for that long. i wouldn't think letterman would date a woman that foolish. why do some think letterman was the one that didn't want to get married, i'm sure she felt the same way. letterman kept it real on monday night. he told us what the skinny was and he's moving on. i think it's fucking hysterical that this idiot thought he was going to get away with this.

i still love you letterman. i gots your back. even though you have no idea who i am. i dream of the day we'll have whiskey and smoke cigars together. honestly i hate cigars, but that's how much i dig ya. :-)

UPDATE: it seems that mrs. letterman had no idea about him cheating on her in 2004. you can read about it here. i don't know how i really feel about this. honestly letterman needs to work on his shit.

polanski raped a 13 year old girl

2009-10-02T23:08:00.000-07:00

i've been reading up on this like crazy all week long. i'm sort of at the point of not talking about it anymore. but i hope polanski gets his ass over to the US and takes FULL accountability for what he did.

numerous "hollywood" liberals have been petitioning for polanski to not be prosecuted for the rape he committed over 30 years ago. whoopi goldburg came to his defense, saying that we don't know all the deets and it's happened SO LONG AGO, so what, who cares, that's Whoopi for ya. natalie portman, david lynch, woody allen (no surprise), pedro almodavar (who i fucking LOVE) and even the head of a fucking feminist organization thinks we shouldn't prosecute polanski for this.

but the back of my mind can't stop thinking of the fact that he DRUGGED and RAPED a 13 year old girl. sources say the victim has "forgiven" him and chose not to prosecute him. honestly i don't know if we can fully believe her. only because the LA Times release an article today about how polanski tried to pay her and her family off with the cheddar back in 1993. why in the HELL would he try to do that if he was INNOCENT. Hmmm....maybe it's because....

HE RAPED AND DRUGGED A 13 YR OLD GIRL!!!! WTF!?!?!?!?

all polanski had to do, back in the 70's, was to turn himself in to the LAPD. honestly because of his class and white status, he would have not done as much time as he thought he would have. i'm sure he would have gone to jail, but would have been released early for good behavior, or pay a crazy ass fine. instead, the asshole left the country and never looked back. instead in 2002, when the academy gave him an honorable oscar for rape, no, it was for his movies.

yes he only did it one time. yes we can be spending our tax money on other things that are more "important". the victim is older now and what satisfaction would she get out of this now?! (people actually think that?!?) but i can write more and more on how this asshole is slime....or i can pass the mic to chris rock.

chris rock rocked my world last night. he was on the jay leno show and dumb ass leno (sorry, but i don't find leno's homophobic, racist ass funny) briefly mentioned polanski. chris rock's reaction is PRICELESS and WAAAAAY long overdue. i'm glad someone in fucked up hollywood has some god damn sense.

FB + my mom = it's complicated

2009-07-21T22:11:00.000-07:00

last year one of my siblings decided to make a facebook profile for my mom. automatically i asked her to be my facebook friend because i thought it wasn't a big deal for me. she's not on it too often and at first reading her status were cute. unfortunately she would post about my sister mary all of the time. she talked about how much she loves mary and how she worried for mary's health. it started to get to me every single time her status was about mary. one of the few reasons why i can't visit my mom, along with having any relationship with her is because she mentions mary all of the time.

you're probably wondering why i don't like mary. unfortunately one of my older brothers sexually abused 3 of my sisters. unfortunately out of the 3 sisters, mary decided to keep the cycle of sexual abuse alive and she got to me from the age of 5 to 7. growing up with her was no picnic either. my parents always would ALWAYS excuse mary's behavior because of her disability. she was an able person and held jobs when we were growing up. to put it bluntly, she was in the "slow" classes all the way through high school. unfortunately when i started to come to terms with my trama, mary was diagnosed with MS, along with having a mental breakdown. she started to have seizures and was in/out of the hospital throughout the Fall of 1999. this is the reason why i don't want to hear about mary's health or how much both of my parents love mary. i don't hate mary, but i woud like to think that she and my "family" would get why i don't want any relationship with her.

getting caught up with my emotions, i deleted my mom from facebook. i didn't even give her an excuse why, i clicked the X and a second later, she wasn't my facebook friend. this gave satisfaction for about a minute, until my other distant sister in san diego started to write about mary's health on her FB status. i would think since she was one of the 3 that got abused by my brother, she would UNDERSTAND where i'm coming from. but no dice! right when i was this close to deleted my sister in san diego off of facebook, i realized you can block any FB friend's status you don't wanna see. if i would have known this was an option with my mom's status, this is what i would have done.

now i get to read my mom's wall posting on all of my siblings face book profiles. perhaps this is a good thing though. i'm not close to my mom at all and honestly i feel more like a burden to her and my dad. i have realized now that facebook is the ONLY channel i can have with my mom and unfortunately i cannot add her again because "FB" doesn't allow me too. i can't even look at her profile because who ever upkeeps her account, has her privacy setting on high or something. i can't even click her because FB tells me that i'm not allowed to do that. BLUG. :*( i tried to ask her about adding her again this past saturday and she told me that she would...but nothing has happened yet.

i hate how this stuff gets to me too. it took me a LONG time to realize that family is what you make of it. it's hard to practice what you preach though. especially when you run into a distant cousin that you haven't seen in over 15 years and the FIRST thing they say to you is "oh my god. you look EXACTLY like irene. d'oh.

it's already july?!?

2009-07-07T18:29:00.000-07:00

WTF?!?!? this summer is flying by too darn quickly. since it's been a while since i've written anything on here...i'm just going to ramble off for real. :-)

i can't believe michael jackson passed away less than two weeks ago. his memorial service at staple center, his casket glowing in the front of the stage. watching mariah carey sing "i'll be there" made me a wee bit teary. she pulled it together, even though her emotions were weighing in on her. who could blame her though? she was singing at MJ's funeral!?!? but watching stevie wonder's performance was unforgettable. you HAVE to watch this.

http://tinyurl.com/kwxafk

maya angelou's poem read by queen latifah was the SHIT! queen latifah kept it real, but she also kept it classy. she was great!!! please check out her speech.

http://tinyurl.com/l4x2br

these particular parts of MJ's memorial really struck a cord with me. overall, the service was sweet. even though i wanted to punch the wall every time joe jackson was called a great father, i was trying only focused on the positive. i was also fortunate to watch it while working, but i really wanted to watch it at home. thank the universe for youtube.com.

it's been GREAT not having to go to school this semester. :-) i know i must take english 103 over this coming fall at LACC. i got to get the F off my transcript. a part of me would like to take another course, but i've also been doing much self reflection. i lost myself this past semester, working full time and going to class 3 times a week. i don't even want to feel that crazy ever again. if this means i only take one course this fall, so be it. i rather have my sanity than lose myself over the bullshit of college. i know i want to get my AA degree in liberal arts, and i will get that in time. but i also want to enjoy my years living in los angeles ,without college consuming my soul. i know that line came off dramatic.....as fiona apple says "oh well..."

r.r.r.

it's been a long time

2009-06-26T18:31:00.000-07:00

since i've written on here. but i will be updating random thoughts starting next week. i wasn't writing because i got completely overwhelmed with my spring classes at @LACC.

summer is here and it's time to WRITE! ;) word up. TTYL yo.

50 cents

2009-04-05T22:48:00.000-07:00

this sing has been in my head all week. dios malos is a great band from hawthorn, CA. this song is called 50 cents and it kicks ass. i am on spring break this week and will write more shortly. but until then...

Slowly my guitar goes out of tune
Wishing all these songs would somehow dance around the room
Put me in your wallet like an old two dollar bill
Fifty cents a lesson and I'll teach you how to thrill

You and I know
That you don't understand a thing I say
So, I won't go away..no
You don't understand a thing I say
So, I lie

Growing old is always hard to do
Empathize and realize it's happening to you
It's one more day
Then one more month
Then one more year until
Your body goes
Your mind
And then your wife's left with the bill

You and I know
That you don't understand a thing I say
So, I won't go away..no
You don't understand a thing I say
So, I lie

Slowly my guitar goes out of tune
Wishing all the songs would somehow dance around the moon
Put me in your wallet like and old two dollar bill
Fifty cents a lesson and I'll teach you how to thrill

waiting for the bus

2009-03-25T22:29:00.000-07:00

i had a crazy experience this evening while trying to get home from school. i was walking on vermont ave, heading to santa monica blvd for the 4 bus. while i walking to this stop, i heard a guy moaning and faintly sobbing for about 5 seconds. i didn't think too much of this until i got to the bus stop.

i saw an I.G (intoxicated guy, possibly high too, but I.G is short and to the point) harassing a man and his friend. I.G was right up in this man's face and was yelling at the top of his lungs. the two men were completely ignoring him, which made I.G more frustrated. this lead to I.G spilling his steel reserve on the bus bench, while waving his fist in the air, near the men he was harassing. it wasn't until I.G intentionally took his belt off, let his pants fall down and started to run toward the men that I started to sort of panic. as much as I.G was harassing these guys, they weren't moving or doing anything to stop I.G from getting in their personal space. but in retrospect, I.G was being fucked up and those guys were caught up in his craziness.

my gut was telling me that perhaps the LAPD should be here right now, even though i despise the LAPD. i also felt like this wasn't a 911 situation, but it could of been if I.G started acting violent. feeling skeptical and overwhelmed, i called m.v.f and left a message asking if he can look up the closest LAPD station and text me the info. i know that was stupid, because he lives 60 miles east of LA, but i was scarred and felt weird calling up a random friend in the neighborhood. i knew m.v.f. was home and i went into auto pilot.

right when i hung up, I.G started coming toward me. i didn't want to be too aggressive because this guy was twice my size, but i was going to defend myself if I.G got out of hand. he started mumbling and i couldn't understand him. he was also up in my face, in a way that i was uncomfortable with. slowly i moved away from him, while telling him to please leave me alone. he started yelling and got aggressive with me. i looked him in the eye, kept my distance, and calmly asked if he can leave me alone now. he got the message and he backed off. when I.G backed off, the 4 bus came and tried to get on as fast as i could. I.G kept blocking me and another woman from getting on. the other woman kept looking at me, as if i should do something. awkwardly i yelped "Bus!?!" to I.G and pointed at the bus entrance he was originally blocking. i think he understood, because he backed off and let us on. he tried to get on the bus again, but the bus driver wouldn't allow it.

i got off the bus and i wanted to get a drink to calm my nerves. since i didn't want to go to a bar alone, i went to the neighborhood liquor store and bought a 6 pack of fat tire. i called m.v.f. to let him know i was o.k. he left me 2 voice messages and a text asking me if i was ok. But my phone was on silent and I didn't feel the vibration because it was during my bus interaction with I.G.
i've haven't experience this type of craziness in a long time. fortunately i started to save $$$ and i would like to buy a car by the end of summer. i am aware that owning a car will not protect me from guys like I.G or any crazy mofo that decides to harass me. but at least i'll have something to get into, rather than walking to and fro at a bus stop.

i'll never do that again

2009-03-22T23:22:00.000-07:00

i've never met anyone new on facebook. i've met all of my facebook friends at least once, with the exceptions of comedians or actors. i've met a few high school folks from my past, some i don't approve and some i do. i only approve high school folks i was in debate with and the tiny few that use to hang out with me. i was pretty depressed in high school and i am always shocked when someone recognizes me. i think 5 of my facebook friends are from high school.

last summer, i received a friend request from connie k. it included a message asking if i remember her from high school. once i put it altogether, the good memories of connie k flooded back into my mind. the memories of geeking out about x-files, homicide: life on the streets and newsradio were good times. she was one year younger than me and i always appreciated her for being cool. we weren't close, but she was always sweet.

i approved her and i caught her a few times on AIM. both of us would suggest to go out drinking, but we never did it. i started to bug her about it and she ignored all of my responses. because of this, i assumed she didn't want to meet up. why would folks suggest to meet up if they don't mean it? since connie k gave no response to my drinking invitation, i stopped asking. i wouldn't be wasting my time writing about this until last Thursday night.

two weeks ago, one of connie k's status asked me when we were finally going to go out for margaritas. she even went the route of putting ?!?!!? at the end of her status. blug. i thought since she blasted me to her 30 friends on facebook, that i should finally go for margaritas with her. since she was asking me to get some drinks, i figured why not? even though its been over 11 yrs since we've seen each other, i thought this would be fun. i will never make that mistake again. the night before we met up, she messaged me saying that her boyfriend was going to be there too and that i should bring my boy as well. here's what i thought of when i read that...

1. wtf?
2. i don't want to use my "boy" as a human shield
3. maybe i shouldn't do thins after all?

i almost canceled the whole deal after i read that message because i thought it was weird. why are you going to drag your fucking sweetie to this this? i love m.v.f. enough to know that i don't expect him to drive to LA for this bullshit?!? i want to have a drink with connie k and not her boyfriend...especially when you haven't seen them since 1998?!?i should have listened to my gut. instead, i bit the bullet and told her that my "boy" doesn't live in LA and that i'll still be there. this lead to the most awkward dinner i've ever had in my life.

i don't want to go through all of the details, because it's not even worth it. but i will say that she and her boyfriend have no social skills. i felt like i was talking too much, only because they both were giving me "deer caught in the headlights" looks throughout dinner. yes, i know it's been 11 years since we've seen each other. but it was HER idea for this whole thing, so i would think she would of made some kind of effort to talk to me. look at my fucking profile at least?!? i am over people who can't carry a fucking conversation. i wasted a night i could of done homework or met with a friend who i haven't seen in a while. geesh.

most of the conversation we had was about high school anyway. she was shocked that i didn't go to my 10 year reunion. i wasn't shocked in the slightest because i haven't thought about high school since i fucking graduated and MOVED ON from that hell hole. the only thing i got from the whole thing was how much i have grown up and moved on from the awkward, shy and anti social grrl i use to be. unfortunately not everyone moves on and folks from high school remain bitter, awkward and still live in the same city, without thinking of anything else but themselves.

English 103

2009-03-10T22:32:00.000-07:00

i am taking english 103 this semester at LACC. it's the final english class i have to take for my general education credits. recently i turned in my first essay of the semester. i knew it wasn't my best work. i was rushed and i didn't give it enough time or energy. i knew i wasn't going to get a high grade. fortunately i got it back on sunday evening and it had a B+ in the email. i opened his attachment and i saw numerous footnotes on it. i made many grammar errors on this essay. i was shocked that i got a B+, but i'll take it. :)

i went into class last night and my instructor started to pass out two example essays that he wanted to go over. when i saw the hand out, i realized he used my essay (w/o my name on it) to completely tear apart. i felt completely humiliated. yes, my name wasn't on the essay. unfortunately i did mention a few personal remarks that uncovered my queer girl roots and that made me feel singled out since i am the only queer girl in my class. i was crying at my desk because i was embarrassed with my bad grammar. it ruined my evening and i cried all the way home. i was crying when i got off the bus and i cried more when i got home.

i know my teacher wasn't trying to be malicious or hurtful. he's only doing his job and i respect that. i wasn't even crying or upset about the errors. just the process was completely demeaning and i would love it if he never does that to me or anyone in that class. my essay and the other better one both got B+ grades. This stupid bitch made a comment about how can my essay get a B+ with all the mistakes on it. (obviously she didn't know it was mine, but still...very annoying) he explained that even though the first essay had errors on it, that it was still exceptional because of the character of it. all of my points were strong, only my grammar and sentencing structure needs work.

i did email him last night about the whole experience. i also wanted to be clear that i wasn't upset about the grammar errors or the structure. i appreciate all of his corrections and feedback, but feeling singled out wasn't fun. :( his response was an apology and he didn't realize that i would respond that way. he promised he would give me a heads up if he ever used my paper as an example for future classes. he also stated that even with my errors, my paper was exception for english 103.

processing

2009-02-27T21:47:00.000-08:00

i would of never thought it
everyone knew but me
my fam warned me
all my friends weren't that surprised
you really had me there
and i was the fool who played along

now when i walk the mission
it's hard not to get sentimental
riding BART to San Leandro
makes my stomach hurt
i want zachery's pizza to move to silver lake

when i put my shoes in the bin
before taking a flight from LA
going through the metal protector
while i gather my purse, i think of you
and wonder if you arrested anyone today

riding the metro bus
and i'm watching an old lady
use her purse to hide her 40 oz
she keeps talking to herself
and reminds the bus driver that he's on vacation
it's only 8:14 a.m

did you know that i was still crying over you
a year after my life changed
the early stages of anew
brought back some of the crap from the past

i can't do it captain

2009-02-10T10:15:00.000-08:00

the LACC spring semester started yesterday and i was pretty stoked. unfortunately when i left my elementary algebra class, i wanted to cry because she gave us A LOT of homework. like a good hour, hour and a half of it. i got home and i started doing the problems, then i realized it was already going on 11:00 pm. i haven't showered, got out of my clothes and i started crying.

granted this was only the first day of the semester. but something in my gut was telling me this week was going to drag like no other. i like going to school. i like learning new things and i like to push myself hard, especially on math and english. but taking political science on thursday, which shouldn't be too bad, feels like a total drag. if i would continue with taking political science on thursday evening, basically i don't have any time to do anything else. i already didn't have any time last month to buy groceries since i was in class 4 times a week. i feel that taking a thursday evening class will not make me like school. i already work 40 hrs a week at my job and that does take up my time because i got to pay the bills. i want to keep liking that i am in school and i don't want to feel trapped.

when i was thinking about all of this last night, i felt like i had a flash of what my year was going to look like and it made me sad. i don't want to feel sad about school. school is suppose to be a uplifting and an awesome experience, not something that you're forcing yourself into because you have to. some of my close friends were a little concerned that i might be taking on too much. at the time, i really thought i was able to take it on. now i know better. :) i am always going to keep trying to get closer and closer to getting my A.A degree in Liberal Arts. i know many people in my life that are still trying to attend college, while balance their own life with their families, etc.

instead of beating myself up over this, i am just going to keep my sanity and drop the thursday evening class. it will give me time to excell in elementary algebra and my english 103 class. i rather receive two A's than receive so so grades from 3 classes.

to tip or not to tip?

2009-02-01T21:38:00.000-08:00

this is what i thought of the delivery person who brought me thai a few weeks back. unfortunately my speech class got canceled and i was exhausted when i got home. so i decided to treat myself and got some delicious thai food from mae ploy. perhaps this was a mistake in retrospect. i was a bit low on the cash, but i figured i was treating myself and i would bring the leftovers to work the next day. this meant that i wouldn't pay for lunch and that it was the right thing to do? i was too tired to think and ordered food anyway.

i remembered that i didn't have cash to give to the delivery guy. i wanted to hit up an ATM, but it was going to cut it close since it's already been 40 minutes that passed. i don't mind charging my debit card for deliveries, but i usually like giving my tip in $. my good friend mario called me at that moment and we started to catch up. but then i hear the knocking on the door. i put down the phone to get my food. i started to panic because i didn't have $$ for a tip, so at that moment, i signed the lil' paper and didn't give a tip amount. *dramatic music*

i didn't even put $1.00 on there because i figured it was the neighborhood silver lake and someone that makes more money than me can tip the guy. i didn't want to keep my friend waiting on the phone and i reacted too quickly. i gave him back the signed paper and said good night. feeling already shitty about it, i put my food in the kitchen and start to make myself a plate. all of a sudden, i hear another knock at my door. my friend on the other line even heard it because it was that loud. i put my phone down and get to the door, it's the delivery guy. he started demanding a tip and suggested that i should put one on the receipt. he didn't want to hear excuses and he started telling me that he doesn't get paid much and that i should tip him like everyone else.

ok. i know not tipping the guy in the first place was not cool. but the fact that he came back and demanded a friggin' tip, didn't make me think that i should of tipped him in the first place. it also made me think if he would of asked a guy the exact same thing. don't mean to go there, but i couldn't help thinking so while he started giving me a hard time for this. he kept going on and on until i yelped, i am broke ok and you got to leave now. he stopped, smiled and said that he understood not having enough money and then i closed the door in his face. my friend heard the whole thing on the other end of the phone and was being supportive. "a tip isn't mandatory and you should call the restaurant back and tell them how he was to you." i was already feeling shitty and this delivery guy didn't make it any better at all. if i would of put a dollar on the receipt, i could of avoided this completely. but i still thought the way he was talking to me was very rude.
it was hard to enjoy the yummy thai food that evening. i felt like curling up to a ball and never ordering delivery ever again. now i can look back at it and laugh, because it really is hysterical. it sounds likes something that would happen on a TV sitcom. i told m.v.f. about the whole thing and he was cracking up, along with asking "why didn't you tip him again?" blug.

in other news, i am almost done with my winter session of speech class and i start my spring semester next monday 2/8. i'll be in class 4 times a week again and now i am taking 3 different subjects. i am taking 11 units, which is the most i've taken even while working full time. but i feel like i am ready to take this on, i really want to get a lot of school accomplished this year. i am also going to get myself a laptop!! since i am in school all of the time and always on the go, i figured this may be the best thing for me. i was thinking about getting a new computer. but if i get a lap top, i don't always have to be stuck at my house doing homework all the time. i can get some coffee, do my homework, be on facebook, be productive with my blog, get back on facebook. ;) i am stoked about getting a laptop though. yay. :)

it's a process

2009-01-27T21:56:00.000-08:00

sometimes past relationship stuff comes up and it's sort of a process for me. i think being in the bay area this past weekend brought it up and now i can't stop listening to this song. fiona apple rocks, i feel like i dated myself typing that. d'oh. but she rules the school and my mind is spinning with school and other random stuff. it's been hard to write lately because of it. i'll write more soon.

parting gift by fiona apple

I opened my eyes
While you were kissing me once more than once
And you looked as sincere as a dog
Just as sincere as a dog does,
When it's the food on your lips with which it's in love

I bet you could never tell
That I knew you didn't know me that well
It is my fault you see
You never learned that much from me

Oh you silly stupid pastime of mine
You were always good for a rhyme
And from the first, to the last time, the signs
Said 'Stop' - but we went on whole-hearted
It ended bad, but I love what we started
They said 'Stop' - but we went on whole-hearted
It ended bad, but I love what we started

I took off my glasses
While you were yelling at me once more than once
So as not to see you see me react
Should've put 'em, should've put 'em on again
So I could see you see me sincerely yelling back

I bet your fortressed face
Belied your fort of lace
It is by the grace of me
You never learned what I could see

Oh you silly stupid pastime of mine
You were always good for a rhyme
And from the first to all the last times, all the signs
Said 'Stop' - but we went on whole-hearted
It ended bad, but I love what we started
They said 'Stop' - but we went on whole-hearted
It ended bad, but I love what we started

speech class and the last day in june

2009-01-10T10:59:00.000-08:00

i started my speech class this week at LACC. it's a five week course. so i am in class monday through thursday from 6:55 pm until 9:30 pm. during the work week, i am up by 7 am and by the time i get home, it's already passed 10 pm. it's been a bit rough adjusting to this new schedule, but i know i can do it. :) but it doesn't give me any time to hang out with friends or call back folks throughout the day. i hope my friends know that i am not trying to ignore them, but i really don't have any time to call folks back.

i am only taking this class because it's a requirement. i wouldn't be taking this class if it wasn't. only because i took 4 years of debate in high school, along with my past performances and my experiences facilitating workshops, i really don't have issues with making a speech and presenting it. but i am fortunate enough to have an AWESOME teacher this semester. her name is mcpherson-rosas and she's been teaching speech at various colleges in LA for 12 years. she's a feminist and the first time i saw her walking down the hall, i knew i was going to like her. she's has short hair with purple streaks in the front, she's a woman of size and has so much confidence. she's completely down to earth and very open minded.

the first speech we had to do this week was to introduce ourselves to the class, along with bringing an object that described where we were at the moment. the item i decided to bring in was a photography book that m.v.f. got me from the holiday called the last day of june. it's by jamel shabazz and it's various photographs he took during NYC pride from 1999 - 2001. over a month ago, both m.v.f. and i were at a barnes and noble bookstore in his neighborhood. i saw this book and immediately got excited. flipping through this book reminded me of my younger days, walking in pride parades with my friends and feeling acceptance in a community that still a huge part of my life.

but since i've moved back to LA in 2005, it doesn't feel the same when i got to so cal pride events. i feel like a complete outcast and now that i have a male partner, the biphobia shines through and ignorant gays/lesbians like to ask me such questions like "you do still like women right? how do you do it?". i have also heard from various ignorant gay men down here that it's OK for women to be bisexual, but it's not acceptable for men to be. along with the various craigslist lesbian postings stating NO BISEXUALS I WANT TO DATE A WOMAN WHO ISNT CONFUSED. if you think i am joking about the caps lock, look for yourself, it's fucking nuts. but hearing all this bullshit on a semi-daily basis really gets to me and it's emotionally draining.

so when i saw the last day of june on the table at a barnes and noble in redlands, CA... a part of my heart melted in a good and sweet way. at the time i couldn't afford it and i told matt that i would buy it later. on xmas morning, we exchanged gifts and one of the gifts from him was this book. i brought this book in as my object of where i am at because i feel that m.v.f. gets who i am as a queer grrl and he accepts me for who i am. granted we have been together for 3 years, but he continues to blow me away with accepting me for my queer radical views. at times we don't agree on every issue, but it means the fucking world to me that he's still by my side. even during my speech about my object, i started getting a little emotional. i also am tearing up as i type this. d'oh.

i want to get to a point when i don't tear up about this fact, but it's just where i am at right now and that's why i brought the book to class. my speech teacher loved my introduction, along with students in the class asking to see the book. next week, we have to give an instructional speech. since i use to be a sex educator for seven years, i will use that opportunity to tell my classmates how to pick the right lube. my teacher was ecstatic about my topic and highly encourage me to do it. :) i am also pretty stoked about it as well because it's been awhile.

trying to get it right for 2009

2009-01-04T22:05:00.000-08:00

i still can't believe obama is going to be in office on 01/20/09. out with the dumb fuck bush and in with high hopes obama. i can only hope that folks don't have any crazy expectations with obama. bush has completely fucked everything up so much, it's going to take awhile before obama can do something about it. people are already giving him a hard time with the rick warren thing and people are already losing faith of obama. he's not even in office yet people? lets chill out ok? for real.

my friend Diana posted a goal list for 2009 on facebook and i have gotten inspired to do so too. :)
i feel a little bit cheesy about it, but hey...so it goes? here we go....

1. get a friggin' car

i put the friggin' in there because it's pretty serious. i have been getting around on public transportation since i've been back in 08/2005. it's been ok. i still get frustrated over the MTA lines and the bus systems. it takes too long to do a grocery run to trader joes. the only bus that passes there runs every hour Monday through Friday. BOO! :(

but it's not just little things like grocery stores. i want a car because i want to be able to get around in so cal and everywhere else. i also find it hard to imagine myself living with m.v.f. if i don't have a set of wheels right now. i know i got things going for the next six months...but taking the train to see my boyfriend is getting to be a bit much. i also want to make trips to the bay area to see friends and family. i would also like to idea of taking a day trip with m.v.f. and not depend on his car. making new friends in LA without a car can be a hard as well. i tend to stick in my silver lake/echo park neighborhood because it's easier and i don't want to bus it to venice. don't folks know it takes almost two hours to get to venice on the Metro?!? i am not taking to bus to venice for kicks. sorry. i need to start saving the dough to make this happen.

2. stick with college, no matter what.

i start my winter session at LACC and i am taking speech. this class shouldn't be too hard and i am taking it because i have financial aid until Junne 2009. in february, i'll be in classes 5 times a week and the thought of it is still mind blowing. i think i can do it? i know i can do it. :) my job is going to be crazy busy once the 2009 line starts, but i am willing to take the challenge. i am not getting any younger and i want to get that A.A in liberal arts. even if being at LACC takes more than a year...i have to stay committed to school or even if i finish my credits in the IE. i got to stick with college no matter what.

3. make my new-ish studio my home

i finally got out of that shitty apartment two blocks south of my new address in august 2008. i moved into a bigger studio with a regular size kitchen and a regular size studio room. a lot of closet space and it's all utilities paid. :) lately i've picked up a few things for my place, a coffee table, new rug and a computer desk. my place finally looks like i am not living in boxes. i have furniture and i would like to get more home stuff. perhaps a new couch? more bookshelves, since my books are currently boxed up in the closet. :( maybe after laying only on a mattress for over 5 years, it's time to finally get a bed to sleep on? i know this isn't going to happen overnight. but i got to stick with it.

4. try to see my friends more

i fell in love in january 2006 and it really fucked me up. not in a horrible way, but it got me off track with some friends in my life, along with meeting new folks and giving them the shaft because i want to hang with my boo on wknds. now that i have been with m.v.f. for over three yrs and the trust has been built...i need to hang with my buddies more often. sometimes i feel like i have lost some of the mojo from my friends and fam. but maybe it's not lost? i need to not give myself a hard time if i haven't heard from certain siblings or friends. life keeps going, no matter what happens. i know my peeps got my back no matter what. but i miss seeing certain friends and i got to be more pro active with it. i will try harder to get a beer or even just talk on the phone with my peeps and siblings.

5. love m.v.f. even more

this is going to sound cheesy like a pizza, but it has to be said. i celebrated my third anniversary with m.v.f this past weekend. i had such an amazing time spending time with him and being on a real vacation!! this man knows me. i had no idea a craigslist ad would have me meet such quality. he's been nothing but respectful and loves me for who i am. he always goes the extra mile. i've dated folks throughout my life, but i have never thought i would have this type of relationship before 30. these last three years of my life have been AWESOME with m.v.f. by my side. both of us know this will be the year for us. he's my rock. i want to have blacktino kids in the WAY future. i want us to build a home together. i want us to have the life we both deserve, even if he can't stop making silly faces. i don't care. he keeps me balanced and reminds to me chill out constantly. i love him. :)

WTF Dallas?

2008-12-14T14:59:00.000-08:00

i heart most of the queer porn that pink and white productions make. i thought the crash pad was off the hook, with queer identified folks, tatts, hot chemistry and good representation of queer folks of color. even though it reminds me of the elitist bay area scene, but i was amazed how much i dug it. i've been waiting MONTHS for their new movie Champion to be released. i've been checking blowfish.com web site to see when i can pre-order it. i've been dying for some queer/dyke porn without the long nails, femme on femme stuff. not trying to knock that though. i've seen it and it's ok...but i get a bigger kick of seeing queer folks of colors getting it on. it's a personal preference. :)

i am on myspace the other day and i see that pink and white have made a separate web site for champion. i click it, getting totally stoked because i've been waiting for this for SO LONG. i get to the site and i realize...that one of the characters is someone i fucking can't STAND!

the Dallas character is this girl i use to know back in the day, like 2001 status. Dallas use to be with one of my friends. i've done shrooms with dallas, i've gotten drunk and high at her place and she always use to get on my last nerve. but my friend at the time was in love, so i never got in the way because i loved my friend too much. but as lesbians are...drama between Dallas and i got crazy. basically my friend and Dallas we're fighting a lot and my friend was telling me that they might break up. unfortunately I used that moment to tell my friend how much Dallas sucks ASS and how she should give her the boot and move on. i saw how both were miserable and I knew my friend and Dallas would be happier if they weren't together. so right after i give my two cents on their relationship, they got back together and they were stronger than ever before. because of that...my "friend" stopped returning my calls. she avoided me and my real friends in the neighborhood. even my real friends, who've met both of them and tolerated their craziness, were dissed by them and their lesbian/feminist friends. i was crushed at the time because i didn't get why she gave me the brush off, until she wrote it in an email. how fucked up is that? i left the bay area in 2005 and through friendster, (who uses that anymore?), i saw my "friends" profile and it said she was single. which still makes me laugh now because it was so fucking stupid. i don't keep in touch with either of those girls at all.

now that "Dallas" is one of the big stars of champion...i can't fucking see this bitch have sex. i can't even think about it. which really pisses me the fuck off. don't mean to be cussing and annoying...but i was really looking forward to it. i have a boundary when it comes to my friends and porn. if they're in a movie, i cannot and will not get off to them at all. i respect that they made an awesome movie and support them 110%, but i will not go to the premiere and put myself through that. i know others don't have this boundary and tip my hat off to you. but that is not the way i am at all.

i can't watch champion because of Dallas. the thought of it really grosses me out. dammit it all to hell. :(

this bothers me

2008-12-12T20:18:00.000-08:00

perhaps i am bitter? i don't only have bittersweet tattooed on my leg for my love of chocolate? ;) all the ignorant guys (not many girls i've dated in my past said shit like this...but i recognize they're out there too) i've dated and said to stupidest shit in their outside voice regarding latinas. many years ago, i had a one night stand with this guy. the next morning i woke up and was trying to get the HELL out of his place. while i was getting it together, he woke up, yawned and said with a smile on his face "latinas always do it right." as much as i was hungover, i remember thinking the following...

1. what the fuck did he just say?
2. does he think i will fuck him now after that lovely statement?
3. fucking hipster white guys
4. i can't take this drymouth any more
5. what the fuck did he just fucking say?!?

why do people think having sex with someone who's not their race is exotic and "different"? i get so TIRED of how folks exotify people of color when it comes to sex. i've had people tell me how latino/a people are "spicy" and how we're full of passion and we're hot blooded animals. some fucking chick said that to my face years ago at a bar and i was completely shocked. did she want me to agree with her and tell her that it's all about the "latina spiciness" and that's how i really get laid? perhaps i should of told her that i got my spiciness from rainbow grocery. it's only cost me 99 cents, because you know how we latinos like cheap stuff right? BOO! :(

a few months ago, one acquaintance asked me how i am able to date other races and ethnicities? an actual ADULT, in their mid 20's, asked me how i can do it, like if i took classes and got my degree on interracial dating? what the fuck? i think she saw my response, (because me and my siblings have a hard time hiding our reactions. heh.) and said that she wasn't trying to be rude, but she's never had any interest in it. ugh.

i date who i date. even growing up, i never had dreams of my latino/a partner picking me up in their arms and us having spicy sex on the beach. i never thought " i can't have a relationship with this person because they're white/black/api/etc" throughout the folks i've had relationships with. it was never a concern if my "family" would approve of my bi racial girlfriend or if my parents would accept me dating a black man. regardless if it's my blood family or my friends who i hold as family, if they don't accept the person i date because of their skin color, they're not in my life. i am not the type of girl to talk to anyone who is not accepting of my lifestyle. if you got issues with my partner being a different race than myself, you're not invited to the wedding ceremony. done. moving on from your igornant mind and energy...boo! :(

some people might think that i have internalized issues of my own heritage because i wouldn't wear a "latinas do it better" t-shirt. i am one proud mexican grrl!!! :) but i'll admit that when i see a shirt like this, i assume that it's talking on the sexual tip. i know this may not the case. but when i saw this shirt at olvera street, i had a image of a latina girl grabbing the shirt saying "fuck yeah we do it better!" and all her homegirls would hoot and holler, while her boyfriend gropes her ass and she decides to wear it over her top. don't act like i am crazy thinking that...y'all know LA chicas keep it real to the teeth? ;)

but i can talk about this until the cows come home. i also know this has a lot of other layers that i haven't really touched on. i can only speak from my experience too. so there? blug. :P

maybe we can all learn a thing or two about interracial dating with the smash film called "nothing like the holidys". john leguizamo takes home debra messing to his loud and "krazy" latino family. can she cope with their spicy way of life or will their relationship be over by christmas eve?!? you know by the christmas tree falling in the background that shit will be going down.

halfway home and jay leno

2008-12-05T20:46:00.000-08:00

i've been back in los angeles for over 3 yrs and lately i've been feeling something isn't right. i have a job that pays the bills. i live in a cool studio in silver lake. i have a boyfriend that i love. i am going to evening classes at LACC and i'll be a full time student in Feb 2009. i am trying more to be social and it's been a tad difficult. only because i don't know how to meet folks besides going to a bar. i don't drink as much as i use to and my lifestyle has changed. sometimes the city of angeles can be such an isolating place. because of it's size, many sub communities exist. which is a great thing. :)

but i get frustrated at times because it takes more transit time to see my brother in whittier than taking the metrolink to see m.v.f. d'oh. i also take public transit all the time and i hardly run into anyone i know. most of my LA peeps have cars. one thing i like about the bay area was that you would see a familiar face once in a big while. i've been taking public transit and i hardly run into anyone or see a familiar face. it's very surreal.

but it's not that i am unhappy here at all. if i wasn't feeling this, i would of left back to the bay area once i quit babeland LA in 2007. i am still getting to know los angeles and all of its glory. but i know that LA isn't where i want to be in the way, way future. i think this is one of the reasons why i don't feel like LA is my true home because i am using it for transitional purposes only. i don't know where i'll be living in 2 yrs, but i know it won't be in los angeles. blah blah blah life. :P

but on a whole other tip...why in the fuck did NBC keep Jay Leno for 2009? the rosie variety show bombed so horribly and now this? jay leno can suck my brando vixen silicone dick. his jokes are always sexist, racist and so fucking lame!!! WTF for reals?

Stop saying you'll go gay for Rachel Maddow

2008-12-03T09:52:00.000-08:00

OK. I was looking for a photo of her on photobucket and the first page came up with no photos of her at all. But this photo was first to show up and I had to put this...

Aren't they the cutest couple? I have to admit, this photo makes me wanna barf a little bit. OK. Back to business. :)

I have to admit that I became a bigger fan of Maddow after her show premiered on MSNBC. M.V.F has always talked about her because he listens to Air American all of the time and I have heard of her before. But I didn't realize how HOT she was until I started watching her show. Go figure. I love Maddow because she totally kicks ass when it comes to breaking down all types of politics. A lot of people think she's completely on the left and that's not really the case. She may seem like she's on the left because she asks questions to everyone, no matter what party they're affiliated with. She'll grill republicans, democrats, third party, men and women. She'll fuck you up with her knowledge and teach you a thing or two. Along with the fact that she has said publicly that she HATES wearing face makeup for her MSNBC show. That's fucking HOT! ;)

Since her show has been crazy successful, she's getting A LOT of publicity. Which is a good thing because she fucking rocks right? Her interview on Conan and Colbert Report were great. Her interview on Jay Leno was awkward along with the audience not responding to her political jokes, but she made the most of it. She's been written about in The Advocate, Bitch Magazine, New York Times, Out Magazine and a bunch of others magazines ad web sites. But one this that has annoyed the hell out of me are women who post comments saying "i'd go gay for maddow for sure!" and "i'm straight, but i would have sex with maddow"

These types of comments have been totally annoying me since she's made it big. Can't we live in a society where it doesn't matter what your sexual orientation is? Why even say you're straight, gay, lesbian, bi, etc? Can't we just say who we would crush out on without any kind of repercussions from our friends and family? Are those types of woman (which I am ASSUMING are of them are straight) totally rethinking their sexual orientation? Are their boyfriends watching where they comment and using it against them? Can you imagine that conversation?

Man: Hey honey. I saw that comment you left on Huffington Post earlier today about Rachel Maddow. Would you really go gay for her?

Woman: I think I would. She's cute.

Man: Hmmm. Do you think you like women since Maddow is a woman? I thought you were straight. Gee whiz, I don't think I know who you are anymore!?!?

Woman: I'm sorry. It was "gay" for me to say that. I only like men babe. Who reads the Huffington Post comments anyway?

*end scene*

I DO BITCH! This confidant bisexual lady reads your comments about how you would go gay for Maddow and then I realizes that people really sound like they're 12 yrs old when they leave comments like that. Many of the gays/lesbians I know in my life have crushes on guys/girls, but none of them never say they'll go straight for them. Because most of them know better than to sound like a dick. Because when either a straight guy/girl says "i would go gay for __________", they really sound like an idiot.

Can we all do our part and stop saying this type of shit? :P

frostie on my mind

2008-11-23T20:29:00.000-08:00

this soda has been on my mind ever since i went with m.v.f. to galco's soda pop shop. if you haven't been there, you have to GO! this shop is classic LA at it's best.

http://losangeles.citysearch.com/profile/71749/los_angeles_ca/galco_s_old_world_grocery.html

this place sells soda pop, wine, beer, candy and they have a simple deli in the back. i have been told that their sandwiches are amazing. this place sells many sodas that you can't really find anywhere else. i felt like a kid in a candy store. matt recommended this one pop to me and i didn't really dig it at first for the fact that it's blue. i have a weird thing for anything that's not suppose to be blue, purple or a funky color. it took me a long time to eat blue m&ms. i know it's only food coloring, but still...it took awhile ok? :P

i didn't think that this blue soda was going to knock my socks off. i bought one, along with the list below....

1 dr pepper made with real sugar, like in the ol' days

1 moxie cherry cola (too much for my taste)

1 curiousity cola - best cola i ever tasted in my life!!!

1 plantation style mint julep soda - this was crazy...didn't love it...but it was pretty sweet. along with m.v.f. joking around, saying that he's been picking cotton all day and loved his plantation style mint julep soda. heh. :)

both m.v.f. and me left the soda pop shop like bandits with a bunch of soda pop. before we left, he insisted for me to try the blue cream soda. even though i was making fun of it's blue factor, since i never did have any blue soda at all in my life and felt 12 years old for a minute...i tried the frostie blue cream soda....

right with the first sip, i knew i was having the best cream soda in my life. everything about it was just right. the cream flavor, the crisp taste because it was in a glass bottle. it was the shit and i realized that i can really love more than one thing. :) i've been thinking about this soda for two weeks now i can't get it out of my head. i am driving myself crazy and i can't drink any other cream soda without frostie lingering in my mind.

we will meet again frostie. i can't wait to have you again. :)

falling

2008-11-22T00:31:00.000-08:00

i remember trying to test him
i wanted to make him tick
i wanted to freak him out
queer chicana born and raised in SGV
i didn't want him assuming shit
about me
i didn't want to speak any truth
to his igorance of latina grrls
he never met a woman like me before
i never met such a gentleman
who open his car door for me on the first date
and made a comment saying that he did that
jester to all the girls in his life and asked if
i wouldn't take it the wrong way
and for the first time in my life
i didn't take it the wrong way at all
my guard wasn't down and i couldn't tell you why
he was a complete stranger
something in my gut told me that he was being honest
someone in my head was cheering for him from afar
i didn't know him at all, but yet i was ok with it
i wasn't expecting to meet anyone positive
i didn't know what to expect
he took me by surprise
i thought i was in love with someone else
i thought i was in love with someone else
i thought i was in love with a guy
who didn't feel the same
i cried for him for when
i got back to LA in 08/2005
whining, crying, i got depressed
and he REALLY didn't care
2006, i had a complete stranger
treating me to pie in los feliz
and opening the car door for me
along with having a heart of gold
straight 25 yr old black man from the IE
months later, walked with me
and my co workers at LBC Pride
passing out sex toys and wearing a company shirt
meeting my family and peeps and throughout
those moments, i felt like i knew him for yrs
now it's only been less that 3
he makes me happy in a way that
i never thought was humanly possible
we compliment each other
he make me a better person
i know that i have a future with him
the sheer though of that still freaks me out

r.r.r.

MTA and the LA Sherrifs

2008-11-17T16:21:00.000-08:00

I LOVE Streetblog LA and their awesome posting about anything about LA's public transportation. I found this blog today and I found it rather interesting.

http://la.streetsblog.org/2008/11/14/metro-considering-temporary-renewal-of-sheriffs-contract/

First of all, I was shocked when I moved back to LA in August 2005 and witness the unnecessary sheriffs presence in the MTA red and especially blue lines. I've been riding both since I've been back and I can tell you that their presence is not welcomed or appreciated! I've seen the sheriffs being very condescending and fucked up to many folks. They even have fucking patrol dogs with them. Is that shit really necessary..I mean REALLY? I have also noticed that the sheriffs are ONLY located at where all black/latino are the majority. They aren't located anywhere on the Gold/Green line or any stops passed Hollywood/Vine of the red line.

For MTA to hire the LACS to ask people for their fare tickets and MTA not taking blame for their faulty admission to the Red/Blue/Green/Gold lines is fucking ridiculous. The LA County Sheriffs have already made themselves look bad recently arresting an innocent photographer at Pershing Square last week.

http://la.streetsblog.org/2008/11/10/bus-bench-blogger-arrested-for-taking-pictures-at-pershing-square/

I am starting to think that LA sheriffs are even more racist than the LAPD...and that's really saying a lot. When will MTA finally get their act together and do something productive about this. Doesn't it cost MTA more money to renew this sheriffs contract than to try another method?

I only hope folks show up to the mtg next week and speak their mind about the racism/classicism that the LA Sheriffs implement onto folks who are really just trying to get to work. Not every black/latino person getting on from the Compton Blue Line Station is trying to skip their fare! So get your fucking patrol dog off me already! Ugh.

r.r.r.

Finally got the internet up and running!!

2008-11-17T16:14:00.000-08:00

I moved out in 1999 from my parents place and finally got the internet in my home! Good bye to all those gnarly internet cafes and using the internet at work. :) I can write what ever the hell I want without looking behind for a supervisor, a work narc or a crazy hollywood type person with a fake tan, locked in their own bubble of reality. ;)

It's very surreal to finally have this luxury. I keep logging out of certain web sites thinking I am at work or a cafe. I finally uploaded some recent photos of myself on my facebook/myspace profiles. I finally can email my family photos of them that I had in my camera for months. I can FINALLY get free music and porn. :) I can start a real blog about myself and my adventurous in LA and beyond.

I am going to use this blog to talk about local/national news, along with dashes of my personal life with peeps, family with discretion. Mostly more about what folks are talking about in society and what we should be talking about! :)

If you want to know more about myself, I included my "myspace" profile link and that really says it all. www.myspace.com/rachel80

I am a 28 yr old queer/bi chicana woman getting by in Los Angeles, CA. This is the jump off y'all....hope you're ready for it. :)

r.r.r.