reflecting

r.r.r.

living for me

yo, yo, yo!! i'm still trying to write more, but i keep getting stuck. trying not to beat myself up about it tho, and letting it all come back naturally.

2010 has been an emotional roller coaster. it's been rough, going through the ups and downs. feeling isolated, not feeling like myself. being negative about it ALL, when there wasn't a reason to be. i got caught up within my own sadness, and started to feel like my soul was disintegrating.



i was fighting with my boo a lot, about stupid, STUPID, things. i stopped answering the phone when my friends called. i stopped being online when i was home. i started to feel lonely, and became clingy to everyone who was still around. my friends would invite me out, and i would be very quiet, still, and not engage in conversation. i became silent, in a way i haven't felt in a LOOOOOONG time. i started saying sorry to EVERYONE, even though there wasn't a reason to be. i was going to certain shows, events, because i thought that's what i should be doing. instead, it only made me more miserable. BUT, i do know why i've been feeling this way. i've been focusing on the negativity, and i haven't been seeing the GOOD in full circle. the cycle of depression stops with me!

i'm not the same person i was when i moved back to los angeles in august 2005. i've changed, and i keep getting hung up on my past. i gotta start living for me, and no one else. i keep getting caught up with my future plans, that i haven't been present. i know who i am, and i know what i want in my life. i keep getting distracted with bullshit. real sofa king annoying bull shit.fuck the haters!!! seriously! can't get caught up with others projections. i know who I AM, and i know i'll get a car/live w/my boo/or accomplish other goals when I am ready to do so.

i need to start living life for me, and no one else. i need to stop being negative, FUCK DEPRESSION. going to see MEN on friday night was a great reminder. i need to start speaking up for myself again. i need to start listening to folks! i got to stop making assumptions. it really begins NOW! :)

r.r.r.

I'm still here...

Hey y'all. It's been 3 months since I've written anything on here. But I think Joaquin says it best...



I'll be writing more shortly. Be prepare for rants on Runway, pop culture, music, news, lgbtiq issues, race, class and politics. Get ready. Woo hoo.

this is only a test

Hi there,

I haven't written a post on here since March 2010. Things have been hard. I think it might be the whole "I'm turning 30 and I don't know WTF is going on" deal. But I feel like now it's getting better. So on that note....



Why is this shocking? WTF MTV? It's not 2003, and it's not Britney and Madonna. But why does MTV think setting up girl-on-girl action is SOOOOOOOOOOO risque? The kiss itself seems awkward. But..if either of those ladies wanted to kiss me, I would let them. Sandra Bullock and Scarlet Johansson are fiiiiiiiine.

Is it just me, or are straight actors making out in public, becoming the new black?

it's been a loooong time...

since I've posted on here. A few highlights...

1. I passed English 103 last Fall semester with a B!! Ms. Matthews passed me with a B!! I busted my ass last semester and I had a quality teacher. I wrote my final research paper on the global perspective of same sex marriage. I knocked out the F from Spring 2009, and replaced it with a better grade.

2. I celebrated my 4 year dating anniversary with m.v.f in January! We didn't go out of town, or do anything crazy extravagant. We both received an amazing couple's massage in Silver Lake, and ate a delicious meal at Engine Co 28 restaurant in Downtown LA. I love my boyfriend so damn much!! Blackxian love in the house!!

3. I attended two AMAZING shows last month. I saw St. Vincent at the El Rey, and I saw Mariah Carey at the Gibson Amphitheater. I cried at both shows, especially when St Vincent decided to cover "These Days" by Nico. *tear* St. Vincent was fierce on stage, holding onto her guitar, and singing lovely. She sang most of Actor, and a few covers, and songs from her first album. Mariah was FABULOUS!!! She was everything I thought she would be. She's looks great, and her voice was on it! I bought an Mariah key chain...because I had to. Seriously. ;-)

4. I quit my Intermediate Algebra class for LACC Spring semester. I was in this class for almost one month, and I started feeling horribly overwhelmed. My work gets hectic this time of year, and I didn't want to fail another class because of it. I loved my teacher too, and discussed with him why I was quitting. He understood. He wished me luck in life, and he hopes to see me again another time.

I think having spring off is going to help me out immensely. I realized last month that I wasn't happy. I was in school, but I was getting stress headaches because of it. Honestly I've been depressed since November 2009. I haven't felt like myself, and I want to start focusing on me again. I want to go back to the gym, I want to start writing again. I want to call my friends, and have the time to call/see them. I want to socialize, and attend different events in my neighborhood. I want to stop being an asshole to my boyfriend. Seriously....I've been in a funk.

But, I will be posting more topical entries shortly. Such as my Alice In Wonderland review. Oh who am I kidding, it was aiiiight. It had amazing visual effects, but the storyline sucked ass. Is it wrong to be crushed out on Alice?

Ok....more later. :-)

r.r.r.

My notes from 826 LA writing workshop

I went to an awesome freelance writing workshop tonight at 826LA. Four writers came in, and offered advice to a crowd of 50 folks.

I was the ONLY Mexican woman in the crowd. Unfortunately, there weren't a lot of POC period. Which I find hysterical because 826 LA is located in Echo Park. Unfortunately, Echo Park is a gentrified neighborhood. As much as it's was frustrating to be the only Mexican there, I was ecstatic to hear what each writer had to say. Especially Joshuah Bearman. He writes for The American Prospect, and various "liberal" magazines that recognize class and race. He was dope.



All four writers have different experiences with freelance writing, and each explain their own process. I wrote about 4 pages of notes. Here's a few things that are still lingering in my subconscious....

"There's no other profession where you can stay home all day in your boxers shorts. I rely on humorous observation..." - Neil Pollack

"(generally) pitching your writing is frustrating" - Joel Stein

"Social media (Twitter, FB, ETC) validates your writing, you start creating your own community" - Neil Pollack

"I like to write, but I hate Twitter" - Claire Hoffman

"I read weekly's from other cities" - Clarie Hoffman

"I use to read a lot, but then I moved to LA and now reading makes me feel stupid" - Neil Pollack

"Every job I've had, came through a personal relationship" - Joel Stein and Joshua Bearman

"I use to be careful, but then I stopped" - Joel Stein

"I don't think you have to know everybody." Claire Hoffman and Joshua Bearman

"Finding your community on the internet is HARD" - Joshua Bearman

"Be aggressive, but don't lose your mind over it" - All four writers

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i HEART zach galifianakis

Zach Galifianakis is going to be HOSTING SNL on March 6th!!! This fact totally made my morning!!! He's hysterical!! These clips are a few of my favs. Enjoy!!

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

i heart rob brenzey again...

you did it again mr. brenzey. great job!!

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Usually I overflow with advice about how to
access your soul's code. I love to help you express the unique blueprint
that sets you apart from everyone else. Every now and then, though, it's
a healing balm to take a sabbatical from exploring the intricacies of your
core truths. This is one of those times. For the next ten days, I invite you
to enjoy the privilege of being absolutely nobody. Revel in the pure
emptiness of having no clue about your deep identity. If anyone asks you,
"Who are you?", relish the bubbly freedom that comes from cheerfully
saying, "I have no freaking idea!"

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Enjoying winter break...

Hey there,

I know it's been a minute since I've consistently posted on here. I've been enjoying my winter break and doing a whole lot of nothing. It's been swell. But, I will start posting more rambles starting next week. In the meantime, check out these links below....

How you can help Haiti

WTF White People?!?

It's NBC loss...

January 19, 2010: The First 364 Days 23 Hours

LGB.....and sometimes T


r.r.r.

hell no conan won't go...

WTF NBC!?! You decide to cancel Leno's 10 pm show, put him back to 11:35 pm for ONLY a half hour, put Conan and Fallon behind him, and ask Conan to think it over?!? Are you fucking kidding me?! You're asking Conan and the "tonight show" franchise to start at 12:05 am, because YOU made a HUGE mistake. You rather care about ratings, money and politics. UGH.

You have two options NBC. You either pay Leno or Conan out of their contracts. If you were smart, you would choose to pay out Leno out. Leno is done. He has lost his funny mojo, for real. There's no way any comedian will look at Leno the same way again after this. Oh wait. Jerry Seinfeld will stand by his side. Blug. Perhaps Leno will get a Doritos contract FTW?


David Letterman chimes in with his opinion of it all.



I am glad Conan told NBC he's not moving. Good for him. If NBC wants him out, they're gonna have to PAY him out. If they go there, I will boycott NBC. I only watch NBC for Conan and Thursday night comedies. Sorry 30 Rock, The Office, Community, and Parks and Recreation. This is some fucked up bullshit NBC.

Currently, I'm reading Black Is The New White by Paul Mooney. Mooney breaks down how fucked up NBC truly is, along with all the racism he put up with in Hollywood and Los Angeles. Unfortunately things seem like they've never change in Hollyweird. It's all about money, not about quality. Suits will never make the right decisions. It's refreshing to see Conan do this. Telling a major network that he's not backing down...

GO CONAN GO!

My top 10 TV shows of the decade

TV will never be the same again after this decade. These 10 shows had a major impact on television, raising the bar HIGH for dramas and comedies. New shows will try to duplicate these below, but nothing will compare. These are my picks. Enjoy.

My top albums of 2009 - part 3

Moby really won me over with Wait For Me. I am not that much into ambient music, that's more of my boo's cup of tea. But I was surprised how much I enjoyed this. This got me through many nights, riding the bus home from LACC, metrolink, etc. Mistake, Division, and Walk With Me are a few of my favs.



I have no idea why various magazines gave this album a mediocre review. I fell for Hazards Of Love like the hipster I am. I also saw them live for this tour, and perhaps my opinion is bias. They performed the WHOLE album!! Immediately I fell for their single, The Rake's Wife. "Until her womb start spilling out babies. Only then did I reckon my curse.." Yes! The Wanting Comes In Waves is also the jam! I LOVE the way this group harmonizes together.



2009 is the year I realized The Flaming Lips are one of my favorite bands of all time. Embryonic is their twelfth album, and I dig it the most. I felt like they went back to their roots of experimenting with sounds, like their earlier albums. Convinced Of The Hex and Evil are a few of my favs. Eat a pot cookie, get wasted, (insert own vice here) and listen to this album. But I also would recommended it for sober folks as well. :)



"The album is named 'Know Better Learn Faster' because you can't," explains Thao. "By the time you realize you should, it's too late. And I enjoy the predicament and the totally devastating, unfunny humor of that." (buyolmpyia.com)

This album is my (wait for it) FAVORITE ALBUM OF 2009!!! This is the second album for Thao And The Get Down Stay Down. She wrote this when she was breaking up with her ex-boyfriend. The first track, The Clap, states it best."If this is how you want it, ok, OK" They stay true to their style, but they also try out different sounds and it works to their benefit. I fucking LOVE Thao Ngygen!!! I heart Thao And The Get Down Stay Down. The end.


That's it 2009. I can't write anymore. But I have listed below other 2009 albums that I had to mention. I chose not to write about because EVERYONE in the music blog scene already did. I only wanted to write about what I liked and not what Rolling Stone loved.

veckatimest - grizzly bear
merriweather post pavilion - animal collective
it's blitz - the yeah yeah yeah's
dark was the night


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My top albums for 2009 - part 2

Alicia Keys has blown me away with her new album. The Element Of Freedom is DOPE. She's singing her truth in this! She's hot, her voice is amazing. I got this about two week ago, and I can't stop listening to it. "All at once, I had it all, but it doesn't mean anything, now that you're gone" OMG....she's the best! Get this album already!



I knew of Neko Case, but I never owned any of her albums. Fortunately, Middle Cyclone stole my heart. This was one album I played non stop throughout the summer. The intro of This Tornado Loves You is astounding. Her voice is strong and soothing. Just look at her album cover! Neko is ready to fuck shit up! ;)



Mos Def is back y'all!! The Ecstatic is off the chain! I feel like he went back to his OG beat and rhythm. I wasn't a big fan of The New Danger (2004) and True Magic (2006). Perhaps he had to make those tho, to produce the greatness of this one! Boogie man is back in full effect!! Holler.



Monsters Of Folk is a super group including Bright Eyes, M. Ward, Jim James from My Morning Jacket. I fucking LOVE this album and secretly want to have sex with all of them. Listening to Dear God (sincerely M.O.F) for the first time brought tears to my eyes. All musicians collaborate well together. I love this band!

Side Note: While looking for the image of this album, I read the Wikipedia description. USA Today called the album a "harmonious and occasionally electrified blend of folk-rock, country and white soul" White soul?!? really? But, then again, USA Today is stupid anyway. But still...WTF?


One more post to go....woot woot.

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My top albums of 2009 - part 1

2009 was the year for music. Some of my favorite bands blew me away, along with discovering albums I never thought I would like. I can't put these albums in any order, because I appreciate all of them!! So, my next two or three entries will be about albums I LOVED in 09. Let's begin....



How can I NOT mention Memoirs of An Imperfect Angel by Mariah Carey?!? This album takes you on a journey!!! How can you forget such lyrics as "He's all up in my George Foreman", and "No one can deny it, we were flying like United". She's talking about TRUTH in this album! Reflecting on past relationships, appreciating the new love in her life, along with missing past lovers. But it's not just this tho....the beats are also SICK!! This album is great in the car, club or at a party. I've always liked Mariah Carey, but I was surprised how much i L-O-V-E-D this album.



I downloaded Actor by St. Vincent earlier this year, and I didn't listen to it right away. I did this because all the indie blogs were talking about her so fucking much. I was turned off by the hype. But I got over my hang up, and finally gave St. Vincent a chance. Her voice is beautiful, haunting and graceful...even though she's telling you her life is fucked up. Save Me From What I Want and The Party are my two favorite tracks. I think this is her first official album, and I am looking forward to her second. I also can't WAIT to see her at the El Rey in Feb 2010. :)



WTF Sunset Rubdown?!? You fucking blew away 2009 with Dragonslayer!! Honestly, I didn't think I would like this one. Their first album had a few tracks I liked. But it didn't impress me as much as Dragonslayer did! They are rocking OUT on this one for real!! The guitar and their harmonies are in FULL effect! Each track has its own unique sound. The lyrics are also awesome as well. For example, take Black Swan...

there was a rumor of a ghost in the bedroom,
hanging in and around the bed
but by the time the moon rose, you had taken off your clothes
and had the pillow under your head

These lyrics might sound crazy reading, but the song itself is AMAZING! I can't recommend this album enough.



See Mystery Light by YACHT is a GREAT album. The first track, Ring The Bell is fucking sick! "Will we go to heaven, or will we go to hell, it's my understanding that neither are real" That lyric alone made my heart jump for joy! Another new edition to YACHT is Claire Evans! She's awesome in this album!! Both are YACHT! There isn't a singer or a main star, both collaborate and compliment each other! Psychic City, I'm In Love With The Ripper, and Don't Fight the Darkness are a few of my favorite tracks.


More to come y'all. Stay tuned.

RIP Brittany Murphy

WTF?!? Brittany Murphy went into cardiac arrest and DIED last Sunday morning?!? Why 2009 why?!?!

Some might think I am overreacting. "She's only a movie star, genocide is happening throughout the world, and all you care about is Brittany Murphy dying?!?" Blah, blah, blah. Hold the phone. I care about genocide too foo....but I also got to give a moment to talk about an actor that impacted my life. You may think I'm being dramatic, and you're entitled to your own opinion. Honestly....Britney Murphy is DEAD people!!

I remember when I first saw her in Clueless. I fell in love with her awkward style, and how she was a complete spaz throughout the film. She was hysterical as Ty!! I wanted to be like her, and find my gnarly white skater guy. She MADE Clueless, ok!! Let's be real. Alicia was GREAT, but you can't deny the fact, you were singing "rolling with the homies" when you left the theater. I rest my case....

After I saw Clueless, I wanted to see more Brittany Murphy. Years pass, and a friend recommended Freeway. Her tiny role as the crazy girl in prison was great. She also stole my heart in Girl Interrupted, King Of The Hill, and Sin City. I know she was in 8 Mile, but I didn't see that because I hate Eminem. But, I will give it another chance. She was in Spun, Just Married, Uptown Girls, etc. Her bio is here. She also did a bunch of cool late 90's/early 00's gay flicks too!

Now everyone is up in her business. Paparazzi talking about her weight issues throughout her career, her past with drugs, etc. I'm not denying any of these things...it's odd to hear about a 32 year old dying from cardiac arrest. 32, really? But, let's take a moment folks...

We lost an awesome actor yesterday morning. We lost Ty. We're still rollin' with ya Ms. Brittany Murphy. You will be missed. :*(

Michael Jackson - This Is It - Directed by Spike Lee

i saw this the other day, and it made me weepy at my desk. amazing tribute

Michael Jackson - This Is It - Directed by Spike Lee from 40 Acres and a Mule Filmworks on Vimeo.

yay rob brezsny

I've been getting his horoscopes for years. But, this one is right on the money for me.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I bet your relationship life will be a source of
revolutionary teachings in 2010. Adventures in intimacy and partnership
will draw you into some highly educational fun and games. You will be
invited to dramatically expand your understanding of the nature of
commitment. You will also be asked to dig deeper to discover your real
desires, which up until now have been partially camouflaged by more
superficial longings that were grafted onto you during the darker days of
adolescence. How should you prepare for the interesting tests of the next
12 months? How can you get yourself in shape to earn the demanding
gifts that will be within reach? Now is an excellent time to start thinking
about those questions.

AAAHHH! I feel like I've been thinking about these questions since I got with Matt. Every now and then, my horoscope matches with what I am really thinking about. Crazy shit.


I love you Mr. Brezsny. XOXOX

http://www.freewillastrology.com/

GLEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok.....how much did GLEE totally kick ass this week?!? GREATEST. SHOW. ON. WEDNESDAY. NIGHT. If you're not watching Glee, then you are missing out on some GOOD TV. This show gets better, and better every episode. Here are a few highlights from this week's episode that i LOVED...

1. We saw Mr. Shue's bad side!!! Did you see how pissed off her got at his wife?!?! I thought he was going to slap her, I'm not gonna lie. But, obviously that would have been fucked up. But, I am GLAD the cat is out of the bag and he "hopefully" will leave his wife. How can you trust anyone after the shit she pulled?!? I also didn't like that part of the whole storyline....that scene was INTENSE!! Well....at least it felt like that....i was also on brownie...so, I wanted to cry when I was watching it. CRAZY!

2. Quinn's evil side returned!! I know she's knocked up, and the show has focused on that more. But, she's also a total bitch before she got preggers. All the shit she pulled on Sue this week was AMAZING!!! She played her like an ol' school NES game. Quinn use to be Sue's favorite, and I LOVED how Quinn came back swinging. I also fucking LOVE Sue. She's heartless in Glee and I HOPE she gets nominated for an Emmy next year. "I can't have a girl that's preggers on my squad. You're a disgrace" - Sue

3. How fucking AWESOME and GAY was that remake of Jump by Van Halen!? (I also don't mean "gay" as a bad thing, I mean it in a AWESOME way. ) Those huge mattresses, the song itself?!? It was a great collaboration, with most of the Glee kids singing and dancing. I wanted to jump into my TV and jump along with them. Perhaps that feeling was because I was on brownie? D'oh. ;-) I also dug the remake of smile by lily allen. That scene alone was pretty hot. I think I am crushed out on Rachel now. D'oh. This episode had GREAT songs!!! YAY!!!

Those are only 3 small moments that I struck out to me. Everyone should be watching Glee. Get on hulu.com and catch on up! The last episode is this coming Wednesday, then it won't be back until fucking April 2010. :*( This makes me really sad. I hope they rerun it like no other on Fox. People need to watch Glee for real. Straight, gay, black, white, and ALL!!! Some peg this to be a "high school musical" type show for adults. But, people that say that are fucking stupid. I HATE high school musical, and generally most musicals. Stop hating on Glee people!! Watch one episode, and you will see. Glee is the JAM!!!

Obama

This week, Obama made his Afghanistan speech. He said we're sending 30,000 troops, and they'll start to come back home in Jan 2011. You can read the full text here.

Being on Twitter, and reading some of the reactions from "progressives" doesn't surprise me at all. Because...this shit sucks. We already had a dumb ass president, already LIE to us about weapons of mass destruction, Iraq, and lead us in a FUCKED UP situation for 8 yrs. Basically, we grabbed Iraq and choked all the life out of it. But, I know Iraq was already in a messed up situation, BUT, the USA had a big part of it. End of story. So, I can see why a lot of people are pissed off at him. I'm not gonna lie...I still want to ask him "WTF!?!?"

But here's the thing. I feel like if there was ANY OTHER WAY out of this, Obama would have done it differently. I also don't think Obama is sleeping easy at night, because of this situation. Have you seen a photo of him lately?


I don't think this guy is happy at all, even underneath that cheesy smile. He knows this is fucked up. He's delivering a message that most of the population doesn't want to hear. He's the biggest debbie downer. There. I said it. But, Obama knows that people are going to criticize every single decision he makes. Perhaps I am being too optimistic? I LOVE criticizing Obama, but I also don't want to label him as being fucked up, until his term is half way done. This guy is taking on A LOT of shit when he came in office on Jan 2009. People were asking him about his plan, he made it known, and he wants to wrap this up quicker than you believe. why are people losing HOPE?!? they had it when he was running, why is the glass half empty now? Just breath y'all, we will get through this.....

calm before the storm

i have about 17 days until my english 103 class is over. i got to write 1 more essay, and a research paper. i have caught up in all of my reading, and i know ms. matthews will throw down homework assignments tomorrow night. i did my laundry, made some yummy dinner, and i got a strawberry shortcake from cafe tropical waiting for me in my fridge. i will consume this once i finish this....

but, i know it's been a minute since i've written in this. i've been crazy busy busting through my 8 week course at LACC. my teacher seems to amaze me each and every time i see her. the crush is still on, big time. she's a total geek. she LOVES talking about twilight, wayne's world and harry potter. it's great to see her respond to people's ignorance and not let it eat her up inside. i will do my best to get a photo with her before the semester is out. perhaps she'll think that's weird, but i guess i'll figure it out when i get there....

another turkey day has passed. i went to the bay area on turkey day morn, and hung out with my siblings in San Leandro, CA. the night before, i went out drinking with my buddy at el conquisador. two margaritas and two modelo lights later, i was packing my shit and got about 4 and a half hours of sleep. did my best to not let that show to my siblings when i got there. being hung over ain't what it used to be. seriously. it was great to see my nephews and nieces, along with seeing my fam and their partners. watching the way my sister conducts every turkey day celebration, it makes me think of what my boo and i will have in the future. the more i go back to the bay area, the more i realize that i don't belong there anymore. i will always hold the bay dear to my heart, it's my second home. i spent most of my adolescents figuring out my identity in the castro, mission, bernal heights, hunter's point, and OAKLAND 510. i could have not found a better city or community to do all of this in. but, i go through SERIOUS deja vu when i am up there. i know it's not the same as it was from 2005, but i'm just not looking at it the way i use to. i'm growning apart from the bay area. i guess my LA roots show more since i live down here. but, i do appreciate my SF/Bay Area highlights.

unfortunately, i didn't have much time to see all of the friends i wanted to. along with one of my siblings expressing that i didn't hang out with her as much. but, i can only learn from my mistakes. i need to plan my time better, and make sure i spend time with my true familia....

my mind can't compute anything else right now. i am planing to write more pop culture, music stuff within december. enjoy the last day of november. :-)

r.r.r.

p.s. i went to spaceland LA last night for a comedy show. i HEART tim heidecker

Tim Heidecker Stand Up 9 from Tim Heidecker on Vimeo.