living for me

yo, yo, yo!! i'm still trying to write more, but i keep getting stuck. trying not to beat myself up about it tho, and letting it all come back naturally.

2010 has been an emotional roller coaster. it's been rough, going through the ups and downs. feeling isolated, not feeling like myself. being negative about it ALL, when there wasn't a reason to be. i got caught up within my own sadness, and started to feel like my soul was disintegrating.



i was fighting with my boo a lot, about stupid, STUPID, things. i stopped answering the phone when my friends called. i stopped being online when i was home. i started to feel lonely, and became clingy to everyone who was still around. my friends would invite me out, and i would be very quiet, still, and not engage in conversation. i became silent, in a way i haven't felt in a LOOOOOONG time. i started saying sorry to EVERYONE, even though there wasn't a reason to be. i was going to certain shows, events, because i thought that's what i should be doing. instead, it only made me more miserable. BUT, i do know why i've been feeling this way. i've been focusing on the negativity, and i haven't been seeing the GOOD in full circle. the cycle of depression stops with me!

i'm not the same person i was when i moved back to los angeles in august 2005. i've changed, and i keep getting hung up on my past. i gotta start living for me, and no one else. i keep getting caught up with my future plans, that i haven't been present. i know who i am, and i know what i want in my life. i keep getting distracted with bullshit. real sofa king annoying bull shit.fuck the haters!!! seriously! can't get caught up with others projections. i know who I AM, and i know i'll get a car/live w/my boo/or accomplish other goals when I am ready to do so.

i need to start living life for me, and no one else. i need to stop being negative, FUCK DEPRESSION. going to see MEN on friday night was a great reminder. i need to start speaking up for myself again. i need to start listening to folks! i got to stop making assumptions. it really begins NOW! :)

r.r.r.