Thursday, October 21, 2010

Sunday, September 19, 2010

living for me

yo, yo, yo!! i'm still trying to write more, but i keep getting stuck. trying not to beat myself up about it tho, and letting it all come back naturally.

2010 has been an emotional roller coaster. it's been rough, going through the ups and downs. feeling isolated, not feeling like myself. being negative about it ALL, when there wasn't a reason to be. i got caught up within my own sadness, and started to feel like my soul was disintegrating.

i was fighting with my boo a lot, about stupid, STUPID, things. i stopped answering the phone when my friends called. i stopped being online when i was home. i started to feel lonely, and became clingy to everyone who was still around. my friends would invite me out, and i would be very quiet, still, and not engage in conversation. i became silent, in a way i haven't felt in a LOOOOOONG time. i started saying sorry to EVERYONE, even though there wasn't a reason to be. i was going to certain shows, events, because i thought that's what i should be doing. instead, it only made me more miserable. BUT, i do know why i've been feeling this way. i've been focusing on the negativity, and i haven't been seeing the GOOD in full circle. the cycle of depression stops with me!

i'm not the same person i was when i moved back to los angeles in august 2005. i've changed, and i keep getting hung up on my past. i gotta start living for me, and no one else. i keep getting caught up with my future plans, that i haven't been present. i know who i am, and i know what i want in my life. i keep getting distracted with bullshit. real sofa king annoying bull shit.fuck the haters!!! seriously! can't get caught up with others projections. i know who I AM, and i know i'll get a car/live w/my boo/or accomplish other goals when I am ready to do so.

i need to start living life for me, and no one else. i need to stop being negative, FUCK DEPRESSION. going to see MEN on friday night was a great reminder. i need to start speaking up for myself again. i need to start listening to folks! i got to stop making assumptions. it really begins NOW! :)


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I'm still here...

Hey y'all. It's been 3 months since I've written anything on here. But I think Joaquin says it best...

I'll be writing more shortly. Be prepare for rants on Runway, pop culture, music, news, lgbtiq issues, race, class and politics. Get ready. Woo hoo.

Monday, June 7, 2010

this is only a test

Hi there,

I haven't written a post on here since March 2010. Things have been hard. I think it might be the whole "I'm turning 30 and I don't know WTF is going on" deal. But I feel like now it's getting better. So on that note....

Why is this shocking? WTF MTV? It's not 2003, and it's not Britney and Madonna. But why does MTV think setting up girl-on-girl action is SOOOOOOOOOOO risque? The kiss itself seems awkward. But..if either of those ladies wanted to kiss me, I would let them. Sandra Bullock and Scarlet Johansson are fiiiiiiiine.

Is it just me, or are straight actors making out in public, becoming the new black?

Monday, March 8, 2010

it's been a loooong time...

since I've posted on here. A few highlights...

1. I passed English 103 last Fall semester with a B!! Ms. Matthews passed me with a B!! I busted my ass last semester and I had a quality teacher. I wrote my final research paper on the global perspective of same sex marriage. I knocked out the F from Spring 2009, and replaced it with a better grade.

2. I celebrated my 4 year dating anniversary with m.v.f in January! We didn't go out of town, or do anything crazy extravagant. We both received an amazing couple's massage in Silver Lake, and ate a delicious meal at Engine Co 28 restaurant in Downtown LA. I love my boyfriend so damn much!! Blackxian love in the house!!

3. I attended two AMAZING shows last month. I saw St. Vincent at the El Rey, and I saw Mariah Carey at the Gibson Amphitheater. I cried at both shows, especially when St Vincent decided to cover "These Days" by Nico. *tear* St. Vincent was fierce on stage, holding onto her guitar, and singing lovely. She sang most of Actor, and a few covers, and songs from her first album. Mariah was FABULOUS!!! She was everything I thought she would be. She's looks great, and her voice was on it! I bought an Mariah key chain...because I had to. Seriously. ;-)

4. I quit my Intermediate Algebra class for LACC Spring semester. I was in this class for almost one month, and I started feeling horribly overwhelmed. My work gets hectic this time of year, and I didn't want to fail another class because of it. I loved my teacher too, and discussed with him why I was quitting. He understood. He wished me luck in life, and he hopes to see me again another time.

I think having spring off is going to help me out immensely. I realized last month that I wasn't happy. I was in school, but I was getting stress headaches because of it. Honestly I've been depressed since November 2009. I haven't felt like myself, and I want to start focusing on me again. I want to go back to the gym, I want to start writing again. I want to call my friends, and have the time to call/see them. I want to socialize, and attend different events in my neighborhood. I want to stop being an asshole to my boyfriend. Seriously....I've been in a funk.

But, I will be posting more topical entries shortly. Such as my Alice In Wonderland review. Oh who am I kidding, it was aiiiight. It had amazing visual effects, but the storyline sucked ass. Is it wrong to be crushed out on Alice?

Ok....more later. :-)