last year one of my siblings decided to make a facebook profile for my mom. automatically i asked her to be my facebook friend because i thought it wasn't a big deal for me. she's not on it too often and at first reading her status were cute. unfortunately she would post about my sister mary all of the time. she talked about how much she loves mary and how she worried for mary's health. it started to get to me every single time her status was about mary. one of the few reasons why i can't visit my mom, along with having any relationship with her is because she mentions mary all of the time.
you're probably wondering why i don't like mary. unfortunately one of my older brothers sexually abused 3 of my sisters. unfortunately out of the 3 sisters, mary decided to keep the cycle of sexual abuse alive and she got to me from the age of 5 to 7. growing up with her was no picnic either. my parents always would ALWAYS excuse mary's behavior because of her disability. she was an able person and held jobs when we were growing up. to put it bluntly, she was in the "slow" classes all the way through high school. unfortunately when i started to come to terms with my trama, mary was diagnosed with MS, along with having a mental breakdown. she started to have seizures and was in/out of the hospital throughout the Fall of 1999. this is the reason why i don't want to hear about mary's health or how much both of my parents love mary. i don't hate mary, but i woud like to think that she and my "family" would get why i don't want any relationship with her.
getting caught up with my emotions, i deleted my mom from facebook. i didn't even give her an excuse why, i clicked the X and a second later, she wasn't my facebook friend. this gave satisfaction for about a minute, until my other distant sister in san diego started to write about mary's health on her FB status. i would think since she was one of the 3 that got abused by my brother, she would UNDERSTAND where i'm coming from. but no dice! right when i was this close to deleted my sister in san diego off of facebook, i realized you can block any FB friend's status you don't wanna see. if i would have known this was an option with my mom's status, this is what i would have done.
now i get to read my mom's wall posting on all of my siblings face book profiles. perhaps this is a good thing though. i'm not close to my mom at all and honestly i feel more like a burden to her and my dad. i have realized now that facebook is the ONLY channel i can have with my mom and unfortunately i cannot add her again because "FB" doesn't allow me too. i can't even look at her profile because who ever upkeeps her account, has her privacy setting on high or something. i can't even click her because FB tells me that i'm not allowed to do that. BLUG. :*( i tried to ask her about adding her again this past saturday and she told me that she would...but nothing has happened yet.
i hate how this stuff gets to me too. it took me a LONG time to realize that family is what you make of it. it's hard to practice what you preach though. especially when you run into a distant cousin that you haven't seen in over 15 years and the FIRST thing they say to you is "oh my god. you look EXACTLY like irene. d'oh.
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